NoPhone ZERO: The Official $10 NoPhone That Looks Cool, Does Nothing – Unless You Get The $15 NoPhone Selfie With A Mirror

Call the NoPhone ZERO the “pet rock” of the year 2015 because users who buy the NoPhone ZERO certainly can’t use it to call anybody else. The NoPhone ZERO is a brick of sorts that’s designed beautifully, and while the NoPhone Zero can act like a nice stress reliever to hold in your hand since 21st century folks are so accustomed to holding phones in their hands, it doesn’t have a specific calling function, reports the Independent.

NoPhone

It’s really a misnomer to call the NoPhone Zero a phone that does absolutely nothing as TIME has called the NoPhone ZERO “smartphone” from its New York-based maker, NoPhone. As noted on the product page for the NoPhone ZERO, there are plenty of benefits to holding a phone-shaped brick that does nothing in your hand — instead of holding a distracting iPhone in your hand.

Users of the NoPhone ZERO can’t drunk text their ex-boyfriends. There’s no need to worry about naked photos ending up on the NoPhone ZERO or fears of the NoPhone ZERO getting hacked. Best of all, the NoPhone ZERO can help give users their personal interaction time back as they dine with others and actually look them in their faces instead of checking their Gmail, Google Calendar, Facebook notifications, Twitter updates, Skype messages, and a gazillion other things users constantly look at their phone screens to check.

“BUY A NOPHONE FOR SOMEONE WHO TRULY NEEDS NO PHONE.”

Even funnier are the witty “customer reviews” listed on the NoPhone ZERO product page. They’ve obviously been written by a fabulous copywriter who knows how to get the chuckles and attention.

AMAZING. UNTIL I LOST IT. Arnold P.

“The NoPhone is really incredible. That is to say, it was. Mine went missing a few days after I bought it. Now, there’s no way to find it. I can’t call it. No “Find my NoPhone” app. I don’t really know what to do here. Please fix this in future versions of the product. Maybe a very long string I could attach to my belt buckle? I don’t know. You guys are the smart ones.”

While the NoPhone ZERO doesn’t necessarily do much in terms of calling others, texting people or trying to ask Siri some profound question, the NoPhone Selfie actually has a function for which the device costs a bit more, at $15 per NoPhone Selfie.

NoPhone

Therefore, while the NoPhone ZERO might not actually have a true function, the NoPhone Selfie comes with a stick-on reflective mirror that actually helps you check out your image whenever you want. You can’t capture that beautiful image using the NoPhone Selfie; you can only capture your image in your mind and memory, but at least you can make sure you don’t have spinach in your teeth while using the NoPhone Selfie.

For women, having a NoPhone Selfie to slide in your purse would represent a boon since touching up makeup and lip gloss is a continual thing. Plus, it seems a lot less vain to carry around a NoPhone Selfie, which can easily be mistaken for a real phone than to carry around a little mirror and compact everywhere. The NoPhone Selfie would also seemingly appeal to men because while many men wouldn’t be caught dead carrying a mirror in their jeans’ pocket, they might possibly be willing to slide an iPhone-looking brick into their pocket and pull it out on the sly to check out their own images without looking like a vain freak.

[Image via NoPhone]