Caitlyn Jenner Admits Thoughts Of Suicide Amid Years Of Torment Prior To Transition

Caitlyn Jenner may exude confidence in public, but behind closed doors, she admits life hasn’t always been as it seems now. There were actually times when she contemplated suicide due to the conflicting, internal battle over her sexuality. Although she’s reportedly happy now, she admits the journey has been extremely challenging.

In fact, the reality she was forced to face almost pushed her to the brink of suicide. During one of the scenes from the first episode of Caitlyn’s Keeping Up With the Kardashians’ spin-off, I Am Cait, she opened up about the internal battle she constantly fought, revealing compelling details about one night in particular when she almost ended her life, reports Mirror Online.

“I’ve been in some dark places, I have been in my house with a gun and said, ‘Let’s just end it right there, no more pain, no more suffering, that struggle, it’s real and I’ve been there.'”

Like most people who battle with publicizing their sexual orientation, Bruce suffered depression and feelings of guilt over his hidden desires. Caitlyn explained that Bruce was an “isolationist” in order to mask his true identity. Regardless of how people perceived him, Caitlyn insists he just didn’t “fit in” with society. However, Caitlyn is reportedly the complete opposite. “I was an isolationist, I isolated myself from the world because I didn’t fit in, I was kind of stuck i the middle,” she explained. “Caitlyn fits into society better than Bruce. I’m very optimistic about the future and Im’m dragging you along with me.”

Although Caitlyn argues Bruce could have been categorized as “socially awkward,” her mother Esther, insists Bruce successfully masked the presumed “awkwardness” relatively well. But, nevertheless, she’s proud of her child for finally coming forward. Caitlyn’s 88-year-old mother also shared her reaction to her child’s speech at the 2015 ESPY Awards.

“I was so proud of Bruce when he stood on that podium and got that gold medal in Montreal,” said Esther. “I thought I would never be more proud of him but I am. I am more proud of him for the courage I have seen, I love her with all of my heart.”

Caitlyn Jenner’s I Am Cait airs Sunday, July 26 only on E!

[Photo by Kevin Winter/Getty Images]