McDonald’s Customers Are Responsible For The Mythical Secret Menu, And It’s Quite Horrifying

McDonald’s, the chain famous for serving food that never rots, actually has a secret menu. And the revelation, made by a Scottish manager on Reddit, is being celebrated as if the long-held myth of Atlantis or Bigfoot had finally been proven.

What the secret menu really proves is that McDonald’s chow can get a whole lot worse. The Land, Sea, and Air Burger is enough to convince anyone civilized society is on an irreversible decline. Look at this thing.

The revelation came during a Reddit AMA last week, during which McDonald’s fans and detractors asked plenty of questions (primary among them the validity of the chain’s “chicken”) about the food, Cosmopolitan reported.

Despite this tell-all, McDonald’s U.K. is officially denying the existence, Mashable reported.

“We do not have a secret menu at McDonald’s UK. That’s because we love the food that we serve in our restaurants and we don’t want to keep it a secret from our customers.”

What the anonymous manager revealed is the restaurant’s current menu can be hacked and manipulated — it’s not quite a super-secret spy list of special artery-clogging cuisine. According to E! Online, this menu is simply various combinations of existing foods that creative customers can combine to make something new and abominable.

In other words, anyone can walk into McDonald’s and ask for the Big Mac to be changed a bit, say, to eliminate the pickles.

“The items on the ‘secret menu’ weren’t invented by anyone officially at McDonald’s, it’s just a random persons guide to burgers you could potentially ‘hack.’ Order one and the workers might not know it by name. But if you explain what it is, and are willing to pay for all the ingredients, it’s just another ‘grill order’ that we can make up.”

But these special requests have turned into a truly epic and disturbing list of new items, unveiled over at #HackTheMenu. These include the horrifying Big McChicken, a burger whose buns have been replaced with chicken patties — you can add some Big Mac toppings to make it perfect. And for those with a death wish, there’s the Monster Mac, with eight beef patties.

A couple of the less-offensive items are the fries with Big Mac sauce, which sounds delicious, and the even better Pie McFlurry, which is an apple pie swirled into ice cream.

The anonymous Scot had some other revelations, some of them disturbing, others kind of encouraging. Among the former: healthy options are a myth (deep-fried veggie patties, salad dressings “filled with rubbish”), and gelatinous, frozen chicken from Thailand that he recommends everyone avoid like the plague. Among the latter: the meat is “good and is freshly grilled,” the eggs are free-range, and the milk is organic. Plus, the food is unlikely to make you sick (no promises on the long-term effects), because they are incredible fussy about food safety.

[Photo Courtesy Justin Sullivan / Getty Images]