Worst Movie Ever: ‘United Passions’ FIFA Film Called ‘Unwatchable’ And ‘Cinematic Excrement’

In the wake of embarrassing, arrogant, unprofessional, criminal, and ridiculous behavior by several top officials in International Soccer’s FIFA organization, the group has created a new source of humiliation for itself in the form of a FIFA movie which reportedly played in several empty U.S. theaters over the weekend.

Apparently, the reportedly awful FIFA movie, awkwardly titled United Passions, was seen by some, however. The problem is that most of those who did see the FIFA movie were movie critics who seem to all pretty much hate the United Passions across the board.

Some of those critic reviews have already found their way to Rotten Tomatoes, which makes it evident that if the United Passions FIFA movie does evolve into a box office blockbuster, it will likely be because film goers, like watching a train wreck, want to witness one of the worst films ever made.

Susan Granger of the SSG Syndicate, calls the United Passions FIFA movie, “Deceptive, disgraceful and deplorable…”

“Fine,” might say a FIFA representative or one of the FIFA movie’s creators. “But that’s just one critic.”

Unfortunately for the FIFA folks, as mentioned above, disdain for United Passions is so far quite consistent, as confirmed by Daniel M. Gold of the New York Times..

“One of the most unwatchable films in recent memory, a dishonest bit of corporate-suite sanitizing that’s no good even for laughs.”

Michael Rechtshaffen of the Los Angeles Times seems to agree, saying that FIFA’s United Passions, “Comes across as a squirm-inducing heap of propaganda at its most self-congratulatory.”

But as unforgiving as these Critic’s reviews are, perhaps the Guardian was the most straight forward with their view of United Passions, saying the FIFA movie is “Pure cinematic excrement” and “preposterous hagiography.” And while this review may require one looking up the word hagiography, the tone alone drips with such disgust that it’s surprising hagiography doesn’t mean something a lot worse.

According to CNN, United Passions premiered last year at the Cannes Film Festival as a “multi-million dollar biopic.”

But after being so brutally hammered by critics following its limited release at U.S. theaters this past weekend, FIFA’s United Passions only hope for an award looks like a possible Razzie.

FIFA didn’t seem to scrimp on their actor choices for the United Passions film, however, silver screen stars Tim Roth, Sam Neill and Gerard Depardieu all contributing to the apparent movie debacle.

In all, as bad as the reviews for United Passions are, the box office seemed to give FIFA a Red Card, the FIFA movie earning just $607 dollars over the weekend with its limited release in 10 U.S. theaters, according to the Hollywood Reporter.

Among those theaters was one in Phoenix, where FIFA’s United Passions earned a grande total of $9 dollars from one lone patron, perhaps seeking air-conditioning.

Whether that lone United Passions movie goer was also either a FIFA fan or movie critic is unknown.

[Image by Alexander Hassenstein, Getty Images]