Was Madonna’s Fall At The Brit Awards Fate’s Way Of Saying, ‘Enough Now Madge! Your Time Is Up!’

At a Brit award’s ceremony, which was slightly less exciting than ironing a difficult shirt or changing an awkward tire, Madonna’s embarrassing fall cheered the bored hordes and baying mob up no end, but did Madge’s awkward tumble have a deeper and dare we say it, more poetic significance?

As we now know, Madonna’s fall was due to a serious wardrobe malfunction and not to the Queen Cougar’s advanced years. Like an aging aunt, who’s kept herself ‘nice’, but has a worrying tendency to overdue it on the vodka and coke, Madonna made a spectacular, if slightly wobbly entrance, and as the crowds roared at the return of the 56-year-old to a stage she last graced two decades ago, it seemed Madonna was primed and prepped to show all us disbelievers the true meaning of “Vogue” and “True blue” cougar style.

Except, the first lady of style was spectacularly yanked backwards by one of her automated backing dancers, flipped like an economy burger, before facing the final indignity of falling flat on her butt.

Despite the constant rehearsals for the performance which left Madonna looking drained and in feverish need of 40 winks, the constant sucking on a “respiratory inhaler” ahead of the show, and the “throne” situated backstage, Madonna was ultimately undone by the innocence of chance and the old adage that pride all too often comes before a fall.

In a superficial sense it was Madonna’s clothes which proved to be the Material Girl’s undoing. Like an extra in a Lord of the Rings wizard’s convention or an Armani loving bullfighter, Madonna strutted onto the stage wearing a ridiculous long cape and hood ensemble. Yet with fingers which appeared as nervous as a smoker trying to roll a cigarette after five days of cold turkey, Madonna didn’t appear to properly undo the complicated fastening which attached aforesaid clothing to her body. Consequently, when the dancers, who were incidentally dressed as devils, yanked at that there cloak, instead of revealing Madonna in all her 56 years of toned and fat free glory, she was unceremoniously dragged backwards with the cloak like a sack of mouldy potatoes.

There was split second of hope where many thought that Madonna’s fall would bring a premature end to her unlistenable dirge but, ever the professional, Madonna’s fall just appeared to make her stronger and she finished “Living For Love” with remarkable aplomb and the stiff, sort of awkward dance moves that have become her trademark.

Instead of finishing the song and making light of the incident by saying, “Ouch, that really hurt!” in the wake of the fall, Madonna chose to take to Instagram and explain that the Armani cloak, which already has its own Twitter account, was “tied too tight”, but that she was “fine”.

“Armani hooked me up! My beautiful cape was tied too tight! But nothing can stop me and love really lifted me up! Thanks for your good wishes! I’m fine!”

One Twitter user wisecracked, “I’m sweating with anxiety for the cape puller who will perish in the flames tonight.” And they weren’t far wrong. A backstage source revealed to the Mirror that Madonna’s fall had left old Madge spitting with fury and incandescent with rage.

“Her team were left to pack up and ship out sharpish. Madonna’s team had been working on her cape since Monday.

“It was the only topic of conversation coming from the seamstresses as it had been impressed on them to make it perfect. When she fell, the room which has previously been the subject of so much chatter, fell silent.

“The atmosphere wasn’t as if someone had died it was as if someone had been massacred.”

Madonna has been blowing a lot of hot air in the press recently that ageism is the lone area where discrimination is still acceptable and told Rolling Stone that people are “Judging her by her age.”

“It’s still the one area where you can totally discriminate against somebody, and talk sh*t. Because of their age. Only females, though. Not males. So in that respect we still live in a very sexist society.”

“No one would dare to say a degrading remark about being black or dare to say a degrading remark on Instagram about someone being gay, but my age – anybody and everybody would say something degrading to me. And I always think to myself, why is that accepted? What’s the difference between that and racism, or any discrimination? They’re judging me by my age.

“I don’t understand. I’m trying to get my head around it. Because women, generally, when they reach a certain age, have accepted that they’re not allowed to behave a certain way. But I don’t follow the rules. I never did, and I’m not going to start.”

Obviously there’s a lot to be said for such a train of thought, there’s also a lot to be said for growing old gracefully with dignity and not exposing your body for public consumption in a vain attempt to hang on to your youth, your crown, and a misguided sense of worth.

Fate and narcissistic personality disorders have a habit of tripping you up when you continually persist in shoving a square into a round hole. Not to mention the farcical comedies invoked by vanity’s tenacity when it comes to defying the ravages of time and hand of mother nature. As one Twitter user wrote “I’ve just realised Madonna is only 10 years younger than my mother. Older people are more susceptible to falls.”

After the fall, Madonna completed the performance, somewhat poignantly, singing the lyrics, “Lifted me up, and watched me stumble. After the heartache I’m gonna carry on.”

Cynics might say, Madonna’s fall could have almost been scripted.