Rock god Alice Cooper has made Motley Crue an offer they can definitely refuse, and that's to end their final show with the legendary shock rocker killing all four members of the band.
As a climax to a career drenched in debauchery, decadence, and the occasional decent tune, it would be a hell of a way for Vince Neil, Tommy Lee, Nikki Sixx, and Mick Mars to bow out. Not to mention the fact that being callously butchered on stage by the hand of Alice Cooper would be something of a historical first and a hard act to follow for any aspiring cock rocker.
As F. Scott Fitzgerald once wrote, "There are no second acts in American lives," and if Cooper gets his way, when the Crue wind up over 30 years of playing together on December 31, he's going to make especially sure that they never release another album, rock another crowd, rev another Harley, or down another Jack.
The Crue have signed a legally-binding deal to ensure that after this New Year's Eve they never hit the road again. Cooper explained to Triple M that he is adamant the guys stick to their guns and keep their word.
"They finish up in the United States on new year's, and that's their last gig. I told them, 'Why don't you let me kill you on stage? That finishes everything.'"
Cooper, who dies in a variety of macabre and imaginative ways during his own set, is to appear as special guest act for the last leg of Crue's farewell world trek. Prior to receiving a death threat from Cooper, the Crue's Nikki Sixx was cheerfully enthusiastic about the last show.
"We're talking about ending it at the stroke of midnight. When they drop the ball, they drop the ball on us."
Except it would now appear that Cooper doesn't want to just drop the ball, he wants to drop four guillotines on the lily-white necks of all four members of the Crue. Ouch! Not only that the shock rocker want to then put their decapitated heads on stakes before auctioning them off to the highest bidder.
"Four guillotines, floomp! Done! Auction off the heads on stakes."
It should be pointed out that in all likelihood Alice Cooper is probably joking about offering to kill Motley Crue. Vincent Damon Furnier, as he's sometimes known, may at first glance appear to have an unhealthy obsession with guillotines, electric chairs, fake blood, boa constrictors, chopped up baby dolls, and necrophilia, but he is, in fact, a Christian and has been for years.
In a recent interview with Christian Today, Cooper even points out that, "The world doesn't belong to us, the world belongs to Satan. We're living in that world, bombarded with that every day. If you don't have Christ in your life, you're a victim to that."
"I see myself as 'the prophet of doom' who is warning his audience to 'Be careful! Satan is not a myth. Don't sit around pretending like Satan is just a joke.'"
So there you are, Vince, Tommy, Nikki, and Mick. Nothing to worry about. Does that sound like the sort of well-balanced psychopath who would cheerfully chop your heads off just for a moment in the spotlight and a round of applause? On with the show, guys.