Rev. Johann’s ‘Satan Exposed In Popular Culture’ Is The Funniest Thing On Facebook

“Satan Exposed in Popular Culture” is a Facebook page that, legitimate or not, has people buzzing.

The page, which has more than 11,000 likes as of this post, is run by the enigmatic Rev. Johann, who regularly rails against fans of death metal (“metallers”) as well as people who smoke pot, get tattoos, and have their bodies pierced.

The graphic above is from one of the Reverend’s more popular posts, “Piercings: Symbols of Satanic Slavery.”

The accompanying text from Rev. Johann himself informs readers that nose piercings mean the wearer “is essentially making themselves available to receive instruction from nearby Satanic priests and witches.”

If you’ve had your eyebrow pierced, Johann notes, it’s likely you “have committed criminal activity (usually #murder) and have a desire to do so again.”

The “flesh funnel,” seen in the lower right hand corner of the image above, “is typically utilized by Satanists to conceal hard drugs (marijuana) in tablet form.”

And “pierced privates” usually mean the wearer “wants to engage in #perversion/oral sex with the mouth.”

“In light of these facts, the message to us all is clear… As Christians, metal has no place in our CD players, or anywhere on our bodies.”

That one post has received around 5,000 shares since going up on January 11. That’s nearly half of the entire group, which if you know anything about Facebook, is a phenomenal rate of engagement.

The “Satan Exposed” page, as you might imagine, is frequented mostly by the very people it is attacking, who regularly troll it with posts like this one.

“I listened to def leppard once and it drove me to get this satanic carving on my wrist! I now drink marijuana on a daily basis :,(“

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While many of those are classics, and it’s suggested that you head over to the page to check out more, it is the interaction that Rev. Johann has with his detractors that I find the most amusing.

Responding to an anti-emo metal post where Johann claims emo individuals are guilty of “sulking, marijuana overdose, self-harm/mutilation, bullying others, and bed wetting,” one man chimed in.

“We don’t sulk, we don’t bully others, and you can’t OD on marijuana.” This invoked the Reverend’s response.

“I notice you don’t even try to deny your bed-wetting? At least you’re honest about something!”

The Reverend also warns one individual who threatened his safety that “I am not intimidated by your satanic ‪#‎attacks.”

“Not only am I a certified MMA specialist fighter, but I also have a wingman: Jesus Christ, my personal Lord and Saviour. You and your devil worshipper buddies wouldn’t stand a ‪#‎chance. ‪#‎Blessings‬ #‎JesusGivesMeTheVictory‬”

Two things: If this is a real system of beliefs, it’s jaw-dropping and bizarre and, quite simply, an amusing train wreck. While that’s unlikely, the Westboro Baptist Church does exist, so you never know. Two, if this is a spoof account of radical Christianity — much more likely — the anger and reactions shown by its “targets” will make you weep for humanity.

Either way, whether it’s Rev. Johann or the pitchfork-and-torch commenters, someone on this page is out of their minds.

For more info on the “Satan Exposed in Popular Culture” page, click here.