Funny New Year’s quotes and jokes are the perfect way to break the ice at even the dullest year-end parties. A little frivolity is far better than rehashing the worst moments of the year, or listening to your friend’s lame resolutions, so why not learn a few new jokes or write down a quote or two while you wait for the 2015 Times Square Ball drop on New Year’s Eve?
Guaranteed there’ll be loads of “haven’t had a shower in a year” ‘jokes’ on New Year’s Day
— Reyonce (@rhys_athletics) November 30, 2014
Memorizing a few of the one liners below isn’t all that hard, even if you’re not the best joke-teller in the world. Guy-Sports has a great list of funny jokes with a New Year’s Eve theme — they’re a great way to get the party started, especially if you’re surrounded by people who look like they could use a laugh… or a few glasses of champagne.
To kick start my New Year, I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of your glass.
When I thought about the evils of drinking in the New Year, I gave up thinking.
You know its time for a New Year’s Resolution to lose weight when you step on a talking scale and it says, “One at a time, please!”
Definition of a hangover: Wrath of Grapes
Skipping the party and staying in on New Year’s Eve? About.com has plenty of funny New Year’s Quotes that you can post on Facebook or Twitter that will make your friends, family — and even the complete strangers who follow you on social media — smile.
New Year’s Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive. – Jay Leno
Cheers to a New Year and another chance for us to get it right. – Oprah Winfrey
It wouldn’t be New Year if I didn’t have regrets. – William Thomas
Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account. – Oscar Wilde
Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up late on New Year’s Eve. Middle age is when you’re forced to. – Bill Vaughn
Laughter is always the best medicine, especially with tragedy often outweighing the good news in 2014. Aside from telling corny jokes and quoting hilarious comedians, add a little more laughter to your new year by checking out the Huffington Post‘s round-up of 2014’s 60 funniest moments in comedy.
[Images: Some EECards Twitter]