Golden Globes 2015 Predictions: Top Ten Movies That Probably Won’t Win

The Golden Globes 2015 predictions are running wild now after the nominees have been announced. A handful of movies will win, while others either weren’t even nominated or will probably elicit a chuckle the instant they are even mentioned at the upcoming ceremony.

The following is a list of my Golden Globes 2015 predictions for the top ten movies that most likely won’t win.

  • Transformers: Age of Extinction – Although Michael Bay’s final (for now) attempt at directing the franchise was much improved over its predecessors, the public will never forget the travesty that Revenge of the Fallen was. The only film that Bay himself ever apologized for earned him a reputation he will never lose, and Age of Extinction suffered for it.
  • Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles – Being produced by Michael Bay was enough to bring the public opinion of this film down. The designs of the titular turtles didn’t help, with the defined noses and one of them looking like it was a mutated Ghostbuster. It had its funny moments, but most of the laughter came from fans who considered paying to see it again. My Golden Globes 2015 predictions do not point to this film as a winner of anything, though it does land a spot among my Razzies 2015 predictions.
  • The Expendables 3 – Sylvester Stallone gathered a bunch of aging action movie staples together, and it’s obvious that he never cared about ratings as much as just getting everybody in one movie. Three movies into it, the PG-13 rating was the first indication that audiences would just be let down. Bringing in notably shamed celebrities like Mel Gibson and Wesley Snipes probably didn’t help.
  • The Amazing Spider-Man 2 – Sony did the same thing all over again, putting too many villains in one movie without giving any of them a solid motive beyond “I’m a bad guy.” Character development was sorely lacking, and one of the villains (Rhino) didn’t even get the battle that the trailer promised. Much like Transformers, this movie was more visual spectacle than story. Thankfully Andrew Garfield didn’t end up being the most ironically chipper emo character we’ve ever seen.
  • Sabotage – Arnold Schwarzenegger is getting old and it shows. The “governator” is trying to get back into film, but he really just looks too much like that old guy who’s really trying too hard to be cool. Even surrounding himself with new faces wasn’t enough to bring this movie past mediocrity. My Golden Globes 2015 predictions include this movie not even being mentioned.
  • Left Behind – Nicolas Cage’s luck with action movies has been sliding ever since his laughable performance in Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance. The religious overtones and terrible acting won’t get this one sold beyond avid church-goers. If you want to see him at his best, check out The Rock, Con Air, and Raising Arizona.
  • BlendedAdam Sandler is once again as unfunny as ever, pushing yet another horrible comedy through the cinema. Even though his other films with Drew Barrymore have been considered classic comedies (50 First Dates, The Wedding Singer), most of his humor over the last few years has been sophomoric and it’s finally dragged her into a bad one. Like most Sandler movies, audiences come for the jokes, not the acting, and it’s not one of my Golden Globes 2015 predictions.
  • Vampire Academy – It’s films like this one that are killing vampires faster than a stake in the heart in broad daylight. This movie is one of the most disappointing among these Golden Globes 2015 predictions, guaranteed to get a laugh as soon as you see the film’s slogan (“They suck at school”), but not from actually seeing it.
'A Haunted House 2' is not among my Golden Globes 2015 predictions to win
'A Haunted House 2' is not a winner in my Golden Globes 2015 predictions
  • A Haunted House 2 – The Wayans brothers just can’t seem to stop destroying movies, and this one is no different. Their borderline Adam Sandler humor may have worked in Scary Movie, but Marlon Wayans‘ hilariously terrified expression on the poster is a mirror of the audience’s reaction to realizing that A Haunted House actually landed a sequel. If you want to laugh at Gabriel Iglesias, you should probably stick to his stand-up comedy specials.
  • A Million Ways to Die in the West – Seth McFarlane is running out of ideas and it shows in this mess. Most of the humor comes from Family Guy style random slapstick, but only if you can stand the first half of the movie being McFarlane himself just whining about how much the Old West sucked. Comedies aren’t supposed to leave you depressed and then depend on cheap laughs to redeem themselves.

Were there any movies among your Golden Globes 2015 predictions for the worst of the year that didn’t make this list?

[Image via Indie Wire, IM Global Film]