It seems there are a lot of great things coming out of Australia right now for those needing a good laugh, from an Aussie man’s ridiculous break-up text to this Aussie’s note outlining why the person living in apartment 12 should “bolt their bed to the floor.” After listening to a fellow apartment dweller having “loud sex” like clockwork every Saturday night, this man decided to leave a hilarious note for the resident of apartment 12.
The note starts off in a congratulatory fashion. The writer congratulates the resident for their “lustrous social life.” He then goes on the outline some of the issues with apartment 12’s constant party lifestyle. The writer says they can deal with the “hordes of alcohol fuelled guests” and even the resident’s “annoying, and slightly western suburbs sounding, voice.” However, there was one glaring issue that the writer just could not overlook any longer, the extremely loud sex that seemed to take place in the apartment on a weekly basis.
The writer says that the sex seems to happen every Saturday “between the hours of 2-3 am.” The writer takes issue with the fact that the sex sounds like “a Rhinoceros attempting to demolish a wall.” The letter gets better and better as the writer describes what the loud sex sounds like from below. The part that takes the cake is when it is pointed out that though the sex is loud, it is also very short.
“Lucky for me ‘NICK’ doesn’t appear to last long, and for that I am thankful. I do not wish to pry in on your sex life, apartment 12, however, I do ask that before you mount nick[sic] (or the rhino) I suggest you bolt the bed to the floor as so the rest of the beautiful residents here do not have to listen to your VERY loud, VERY short yet VERY annoying love making sessions.”
What do you think of the mystery writer’s note to the apartment 12 “loud sex” offender?