Reading ‘Fifty Shades Of Grey’ Can Turn You Into A Raging Alcoholic With Nymphomaniac Tendencies, Study Claims

Women of the world beware! Reading Fifty Shades of Grey won’t just deaden your senses, paralyze your soul, and leave you with a lifelong phobia of books — it could also turn you into a binge drinking wreck with an insatiable sexual appetite.

That is, according to a controversial study which claims that Fifty Shades of Grey is actually a lot worse than anyone ever realized. Can it possibly be so?

Although all rational-minded and free-thinking souls who possess even the most primitive aesthetic sensibility tend to shun Fifty Shades of Grey like the literary equivalent of a disease-riddled and putrid-smelling leper, to date, its only crime has been against the written word. However, according to a Michigan State University researcher, Fifty Shades of Grey could actually be guilty of corrupting our womenfolk.

Confused? You will be. The Daily Mail has reported that any females in the 18-24 year old range who are exposed to the toxic contents of Fifty Shades of Grey are at risk of suffering from an extreme personality disorder.

How so? Well, the researchers studied more than 650 women in the aforementioned age category, and compared to those lucky souls who hadn’t read all three books in the series, they were 65 percent more likely than non-readers to binge drink and 63 percent more likely to have multiple sexual partners during their lifetime.

The study’s lead investigator, Amy Bonomi indicated that it was possible the books influenced the onset of these behaviors.

“All are known risks associated with being in an abusive relationship, much like the lead character, Anastasia, is in ‘Fifty Shades.’

“If women experienced adverse health behaviors, before reading the books, reading Fifty Shades might reaffirm those experiences and potentially aggravate related trauma. Likewise, if they read Fifty Shades before experiencing the health behaviors seen in our study, it’s possible the books influenced the onset of these behaviors.”

So what’s the answer? Should we have a book burning party? Just hold your horses and put those matches down for one minute, my literary loving amigos. We haven’t turned that page just yet.

Despite the potentially corrupting influence of Fifty Shades, Bonomi doesn’t want to see the book banned. She just wants people to be aware of the issues surrounding it.

“We recognize that the depiction of violence against women in and of itself is not problematic, especially if the depiction attempts to shed light on the problem. The problem comes when the depiction reinforces the acceptance of the status quo, rather than challenging it.”

So there you have it. Things are not so black and white after all.