Junior, Take The Wheel: Cops Say Drunk Woman Had Child Drive Home

Friends don’t let friends drive drunk, we all know, but there’s no cute axiom forbidding friends from letting friends’ kids drive drunk friends home. That’s exactly what one Vermont woman reportedly did, as police say that she had her kid drive her home when she was too drunk to get behind the wheel.

It’s one of those rare moments of drunk logic that really makes one stop and take stock, a true masterwork of W-T-Entire-F. Vermont State Police, according to WPTZ, were first alerted that something was amiss when they saw a car parked in the middle of the road.

Behind the wheel of that car was a juvenile.

In the passenger seat was one Jessica Mathiau, who was reportedly “very drunk.”

Duh.

Mathiau was well into her cups, of course, and had decided that she was incapable of getting her and her child home safely. So, she did what no one else would do, one would hope: she had the kid take the wheel.

Reportedly, Mathiau pulled the emergency break multiple times in the middle of traffic, which is probably what caused the car to be stopped in the middle of the road. You know, either that or the fact that it was a child driving the car.

We feel it necessary to point out here that the police “noticed” that a “juvenile” was behind the wheel. The legal driving age is 16, and we can all agree that someone about the age of, say, 13 could possibly pass for a 16-year-old.

That means that the child was, in all likelihood, under the age of 13. Maybe 12. Maybe 10. We don’t know, as the media report doesn’t specify an age. What we do know is this: You should never, ever, ever let Jessica Mathiau, 42, make decisions for you or herself once she’s had a few.

Let alone the fact that Mathiau got drunk enough to not only be incapable of driving home but also to think it was a good idea to let her child drive home… all while her child was with her.

The police booked Mathiau on charges of child endangerment. Duh. She’s got a court date set for the end of the month.

Now, if you don’t mind, this is all a bit much for us. We’re going to go have a drink.

[Lead image via Recombu]