Independence Day

From our special correspondent Fake Steve Gillmor.

Tomorrow we celebrate July 4th, and then shortly thereafter the deer will be game again. Fireworks will explode in FriendFeed donation bins and resonate around the now deafened enterprise. We will want to believe in the xPhone, but the tyranny of Government will hide it on a secret military base.

When the xPhone shipped last year, the shiny new platform failed to find buyers. No typewriter or telegram, no secure communications free from British spying. As I’ve proven above, not a German U-boat.

This is no way to rank and reward employees. No hooks to catch the fish that were vital to the Boston Tea Party. Bottled water in corporate audit trails. And worst of all, a roadblock to time-wasting via Twitter.

IMAP support made bidirectional syncing of email possible, but Google would have none of that.

Google Talk for the xPhone prompted some overexcited predictions of the demise of Flickr, but certainly a muscular shot across the weightlifters bow, because muscle men with breasts still look feminine. Those who remember the Battle of Waterloo know to well that Twitter’s real problem is related to the chops they serve not coming from free range cows. So too did marketers, politicians, publishers, and Hollywood. The Social Wand is coming to a porno near you.

The music cartel will open as artists realize that xPhones can be had for free, offering backstage passes to Swedish blondes with archival performances on demand. 3G and WiFi will combine to overtake Radio, Television, and will take us to Mars and back. NASA will need more than another seven astronauts.

Disruption occurs when coalescing technologies commingle, and in freeing ourselves from the tyranny of Nazism that fateful July day, we are now free men without free health cover. I salute the state of California this independence day, and encourage you all to vote yes to legalizing drugs at the first opportunity you remember to attend a ballot box.