Ray Rice, Janay Palmer: Emotional Women Who Love Abusive Men

Ray Rice’s behavior teaches a valuable lesson for women as we watch the domestic violence case unfold. The shocking Ray Rice video displays a disturbing picture of a man who has a violent temper that shows no signs of going away. Emotional women who love abusive men put themselves at a great risk for losing their lives.

Ray Rice Lesson 1: Stop Hitting Or Shoving Men When Angry

According to TMZ, Stephen A. Smith was told to apologize and later suspended after suggesting that a woman should never provoke a man. He said it wrong. A woman should never hit a man just because she is upset or angry, period. End of story.

In thinking about a title for this article, it was important to find a title that would grab the reader’s attention but more than that, the title should tell a simple truth. The Ray Rice case is a controversial domestic violence case that is capturing the attention of the nation. On both sides of the issue you have people defending Ray Rice, stating that he is a famous athlete who defended himself against a woman who hit him first. Women’s advocates and domestic violence groups say that the public should not blame the victim by implying that a woman should not hit a man.

Whoopi Goldberg said it best, no one should hit anyone. That was her basic message when she was criticized for it back when this story first hit. According to Starcasm, Whoopi stated.

“If you hit somebody you cannot be sure you are not going to get hit back. You have to teach women – do not put your hands on anybody. Do not live with this idea that men have this chivalry thing still with them. Don’t assume that that’s still in play.”

The fact of the matter is, in a domestic violence situation, most bad behaviors committed during the encounter can be found in other domestic violence cases all around the world. The encounter usually goes something like this.

The man does something to incense a woman. The woman unleashes her frustration by pushing or shoving the man in his chest, back or head. We saw that type of behavior in the case of Beyonce’s sister Solange, who attacked brother-in-law Jay Z in the elevator after a party. We saw it in the murder case of Jason Blu Griffith, who savagely murdered his girlfriend, a woman who was known to physically hit him when she was angry.

Now, how a man handles this situation is the most critical part.

If the man, is a normal man, who has been raised to respect women or to not hit a woman, he will most likely realize that the woman, in many cases is smaller in stature, giving him the opportunity to grab the woman’s hands to ward off the attack or to subdue her until she calms down. This is what most men would probably do. The general belief is that if the man hits a woman back, he’d likely be considered a heel, the scum of the earth, even. Wouldn’t you agree?

However, the danger in a woman putting her hands on a man is that she never knows what kind of man she really has. She has no idea how far that man is willing to go once he is angry. The truth is, some men are violent. Many men have volcanic tempers that erupt if the right triggers are pushed.

We’ve seen it in so many cases, haven’t we? To be clear, we’re not talking about the kinds of abusive men who just start beating on a woman when they arrive home for no reason. Or an abusive man who arrives home drunk and slaps the dinner that his loving wife has prepared for him off of the table and onto the floor.

We’re talking about seemingly normal men, who appear to be regular guys, but who have a dangerous streak in them, like Ray Rice, lurking just beneath the surface. Many times these women end up dead after the man snaps. Ray Rice could have killed Janay, and it is only right that he is being punished.

It is very important for women not to underestimate the reactions of their partners, lovers or husbands by thinking that a man won’t hit them back. It is equally important for women to read up on the cases of women who have been brutally murdered by men who seemed incapable of committing such a heinous act. This will most likely help her to remember that no matter how angry she becomes, no matter how frustrating his insensitive behavior—it is never okay to put her hands on the man at all. In fact, she should leave a man who is constantly making her unhappy and constantly pushing her to that extent.

Suggesting that it is unwise for a woman to put her hands on a man is not victim blaming. It is victim educating. It is life saving counsel that needs to be taught to our daughters, sisters and friends.

Ray Rice Lesson 2

If a man is abusing you during the dating relationship, he will most likely escalate the abusive behavior in marriage. No one understands why Janay Miller married Ray Rice after he served her a massive knock-out punch. Perhaps, she rationalized that the physical abuse was a one time occurrence that would be solved by patching things up. This is erroneous thinking. The stress on the relationship and marriage will most likely make Ray Rice return to his abusive ways again. According to the Inquisitr, Ray Rice’s Baltimore Ravens contract has been terminated. Now that he has lost his job, stress will be a huge part of the marriage. He will blame her for losing the contract. She will try to hold on to him. Rice will distance himself from her. She will become angry. He will become angry, and tempers will flare. Domestic violence stats indicate that this won’t end well.