Two Line Jokes to Make You the Life of Any Labor Day Picnic

Vivienne Scott

There is a whole world of two line jokes out there that will make you smile and chuckle all week. Reddit's thebdizzle asked fellow Reddit users, "What's your best two line joke?" and got hundreds of responses, ranging from hilarious to off-color to silly. Following is a selection of the highlights of the two line jokes posted in response to thebdizzle's question.

Here is one perfect joke if you live in foggy San Francisco:

I tried to catch fog yesterday.

I mist.

I mist.

I took the shell off my racing snail, thinking it would make him run faster.

If anything, it made him more sluggish.

If anything, it made him more sluggish.

Somewhere in the world, a woman is having a baby every 12 seconds.

We've got to find her and stop her!

We've got to find her and stop her!

Every 60 seconds in Africa...

a minute passes.

a minute passes.

A senior citizen called her husband during his drive home, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 90, Please be careful!"

Herman said, "It's not just one car. There's hundreds of them!"

Herman said, "It's not just one car. There's hundreds of them!"

Want to hear a word I just made up?

Plagiarism

Plagiarism

A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building

He yells "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"

He yells "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"

Parallel lines have so much in common.

It's a shame they'll never meet.

It's a shame they'll never meet.

How many Germans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One, they're efficient and not very funny.

One, they're efficient and not very funny.

I got caught taking a pee in the local swimming pool.

The lifeguard yelled at me so loud, I nearly fell in.

The lifeguard yelled at me so loud, I nearly fell in.

Someone stole my Microsoft Office and they're gonna pay.

You have my Word.

You have my Word.

My wife accused me of being immature.

I told her to get out of my fort.

I told her to get out of my fort.

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