This is Michael Dick. He got his balls handed to him by an 88 year old woman. Literally.
The 88 year old Oregan woman managed to fight off a naked intruder, later identified by police as Michael G Dick by grabbing his crown jewels and giving them a good squeeze. I wouldn’t recommend robbing old ladies anyway, but who thought robbing an old lady whilst naked was a good idea?
The Multnomah County Sheriff’s Office said in a statement that the elderly woman grabbed the naked man’s crotch and squeezed.
Deputy Paul McRedmond said the man got into the house through a sliding door and backed the woman into her living room and pushed her face down onto a chair. Apparently the old lady, whose ninja origins can’t be confirmed, reached behind her and squeezed.
The intruder then wrenched himself free and fled as fast as he could go given his nuts had just been in the vice like grip of an 88 year old woman.
The naked intruder was caught and identified by police as Michael Dick. Michael. Dick. You just can’t make this stuff up. Reports that the woman had to do a squeeze test to identify the perp have not been verified.