The Expendables 3 is currently on its way to theaters. If you’re one of the people who proudly download every motion picture as soon as it’s available, then chances are you’ve already had a look at what the sequel has to offer.
For those of us who are waiting for the flick to arrive on the big screen, we have no idea what’s in store for Barney and the rest of the Expendables. If the movie’s Parental Guide over at IMDb is any indication, The Expendables 3 is one of the oddest and most perverted motion pictures Hollywood has cranked out in ages.
I see someone has been tampering with the "parents guide" for EXPENDABLES 3. Well done. http://t.co/cCsMgQnjWV
— Eric D. Snider (@EricDSnider) August 3, 2014
Since anyone and everyone can contribute to the Expendables 3 Parental Guide, someone decided to add some very curious additions in recent days. Unless you think Sylvester Stallone and director Patrick Hughes are suddenly interested in making a pornographic action flick featuring mutant spiders, radioactive bees, and Thomas the Tank Engine, chances are someone is just having a bit of fun.
Although most of the changes to the guide feature admittedly juvenile and sophomoric humor, this writer couldn’t help but chuckle at a few of the concerns. If The Expendables 3 tanks at the box office, perhaps Stallone needs to incorporate a few of these ideas into The Expendables 4. Assuming, of course, that the world can handle copious Rocky references and Barney the purple dinosaur.
Here are a few of our favorite entries in the IMDb Parental Guide:
“Trench and Luna fly up to the clouds naked. Clouds cover their private parts. Trench flies over to Luna with wings and a golden ring hovering above his head.”
“A real hot girl is seen wearing a tee shirt and her panties after a horny spider mutant rips off her jeans in an attempt to mate with her.”
“Frequent uses of [the curse words] ‘boss’, ‘beast’, ‘Rocky’, ‘Joe Pesci’, and ‘skittles’. These are very offensive and inappropriate, therefore is not viewable for all viewers.”
“Barney sticks his head in a beehive to look for honey. One radioactive bee stings him, therefore becoming The Badass Bee-Man. The transformation of the hero is intense and frightening.”
“Things get serious when the feathers are whipped out and everyone engages in a very intense tickle fight. This scene may be too distressing for younger viewers. Mel Gibson tortures himself by tickling his own foot for a minute. This scene may be too violent to watch, therefore intense.”
If you’re thinking about downloading an illegal copy of The Expendables 3 in hopes that, by chance, the film contains some of the things featured in the IMDb Parental Guide, then you should tread very carefully. Not only is Lionsgate filing a lawsuit against those responsible for the Expendables 3 leak, authorities have launched a federal investigation into the matter. In short: You’re better off buying a ticket.
The Expendables 3 hits theaters on August 15.
[Lead image via Lionsgate]