Your new word of the day: benchslap, and the awesome judge responsible for it

Most of the time judges are either downright moronic or they are aa dry as a mouth trying to spit in the middle of a sandstorm in the Sahara Desert.

This isn’t the case with Judge Sam Sparks from the US District Court in Western Texas (not Eastern Texas which is the home to moronic judges) who has gained a certain amount of fame when it comes to his criticizing the lawyers who appear in front of him. So much so that they have come up with a term for his creative comeuppance – benchslapping.

The most recent example of his awesome humor was when he became more than irritated with the actions of some lawyers and decided that he would invite them to a “kindergarten party”.

Here is the official order:

Now just in case you had a hard time making it out here is the text in a more legible format:

Greetings and Salutations!

You are invited to a kindergarten party on THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 1, 2011, at 10:00 a.m. in Courtroom 2 of the United States Courthouse, 200 W. Eighth Street, Austin, Texas.

The party will feature many exciting and informative lessons, including:

  • How to telephone and communicate with a lawyer
  • How to enter into reasonable agreements about deposition dates
  • How to limit depositions to reasonable subject matter
  • Why it is neither cute nor clever to attempt to quash a subpoena for technical failures of service when notice is reasonably given; and
  • An advanced seminar on not wasting the time of a busy federal judge and his staff because you are unable to practice law at the level of a first year law student.

Invitation to this exclusive event is not RSVP. Please remember to bring a sack lunch! The United States Marshals have beds available if necessary, so you may wish to bring a toothbrush in case the party runs late.

Like I said – awesome judge, as long as you don’t piss him off.

via Techdirt