Reddit User Posts Viral Horrifying Excel ‘Sexcuses’ List Sent By Angry Husband

A Reddit user posted a really sad story to r/relationships last week which has since gone viral, and as the post has been locked and the user has gone quiet, we’ll never know what happened next or if the story was even true on its face.

Last week, a “throwaway” Reddit account user (posting under a “disposable” account not tied to her normal username) added a thread to r/relationships that was as very, very sad as it was (sorry) also very, very funny.

Let’s assume reddit’s u/throwwwwaway29 was telling the accurate truth when she posted the spreadsheet of sexcuses (excuses to get out of sex) emailed to her in anger by her husband in what was by all accounts a pretty hostile gesture.

The post was titled “My husband [M26] sent me [F26] an immature, inflammatory email as I was driving to the airport for a 10-day work trip. Now he has cut contact.” Attached was an image of the spreadsheet in question, compiled over the course of a few weeks this summer.

OP later addressed and then deleted some of her thoughts on the matter, admitting that for all intents and purposes, her husband’s sex log was accurate. She blames a busy life and many responsibilities — as well as housework — as part of the reason for her disinterest in sex, saying:

“Our sex life HAS tapered in the last few months, but isn’t that allowed? We are adults leading busy, stressful lives. I cook for him, I do his laundry, I keep our house clean and tidy. It’s not like our sex life was going to be this way FOREVER, it was a temporary slow-down due to extenuating circumstances.”

Obviously, the sex spreadsheet does not provide a full picture of the couple’s apparently waning sex life. But, of all the attempts the husband says he made between June 3 and July 16, only three were successful — and nearly three times that failed.

The list, hilariously (and sadly) annotated at portions with Mr. Throwaways rebuttals included:

  • I’m watching a show [noted to be a “re-run of a ‘Friends’ episode”]
  • I have to be up early
  • I’m not feeling good, I ate too much
  • I might be getting sick
  • I’m too drunk and I ate too much
  • You’re too drunk
  • I won’t have time to get showered and ready for dinner [we were 20 mins early]
  • I just came back from the gym, I feel gross [didn’t shower until next morning]

While we’ll never learn if the sex excuses spreadsheet was real, or if the marriage survived, you can read the original thread over on Reddit. Does anyone else feel like if this dude was going to use a spreadsheet, he could have at least exported the data to a chart to give us a visual guide to his sexual frustration?