Eight-Year-Old Girl’s ‘Disturbing’ To-Do List Will Have You In Hysterics

An eight-year-old girl’s to-do list, which details her precise plan of action in the event of her bother’s disappearance, takes sibling rivalry to a whole new level.

The list, which was posted on Reddit by the author’s mother (lala989) with the caption “My daughter’s list in case anything happens to her older brother,” has disturbed some people, but most who view the list regard it as a fine example of the unintentional comic genius of an eight-year-old.

Planned with military precision and Machiavellian intent, first on the agenda of “Ethan’s Gone List” is “Take Ethan’s Bedroom.”

Now bedroom jealously has always been a traditional bone of contention amongst siblings, so there’s nothing wrong with planning to storm your bother or sister’s bigger and better room faster than you can scream, “Mummy loves me more,” should the opportunity present itself.

Second on the girl’s to-do list, is “Take his money.” Well, charity does begin at home.

The third item on the list is when things begin to get interesting and a lot more more personal. “Hammer his legos,” has a vindictive and slightly vicious feel to it, but kids will be kids.

When we come to item four of the eight-year-old girl’s grand plan, she really begins to attack poor Ethan where it hurts — “Sell Blackbear.”

Presumably Blackbear is some sort of prized stuffed animal that is loved and treasured by Ethan. This young list writer seems to instinctively realize that destroying Blackbear wouldn’t be as upsetting For Ethan, as the harrowing knowledge that his beloved toy has gone to a new owner. Ouch!

Item five, and the young lady’s demonic master-plan to devastate her brother completely is really starting to swing — “rip Minecraft poster.” Enough already!

Just when you think poor Ethan’s suffered enough, item six on the list is where his little sister delivers the real knock-out punch — “dye his carpet pink.”

Just when it appears the war has been comprehensively won and poor Ethan has suffered enough, his little sister finishes the list with a final flourish — “Hammer everything he loves.” A mission statement which you have to admit, is kind of scary.

The Daily Mail reported that Reddit commentators expressed concern for the well-being of Ethan, and of course, Blackbear, but the list writer’s mother claims her daughter was only kidding when she penned the hammer-happy memo.

The mother wrote on the site:

“She was writing it to make him laugh, nothing diabolical. She’s always writing stuff for him to read as her big brother. If it was real… I’ve been effing up the last eight years. She’s probably going to be a horror author.”