Stephen Hawking Details How England Can Win The World Cup

Stephen Hawking has poured his scientific genius into uncovering the secrets of the universe, and now, he’s turning his talents to a different endeavor — finding out just how England can win the 2014 World Cup.

The physicist has gone over all the factors that play into England’s World Cup matches, looking all the way back to 1966. After crunching the numbers, he came up with the perfect formula for England to win it all.

“Ever since the dawn of civilisation, people have not been content to see events as unconnected and inexplicable,” Hawking noted in his report, which was commissioned by the betting firm Paddy Power. “They have craved understanding of the underlying order in the world. The World Cup is no different.”

Hawking said he looking into all possible variables to find out what it would take for England to win it all, finding that with the right circumstances the team can take home the cup.

“Our chance of triumph can be worked out by looking at a number of environmental, physiological, psychological, political and tactical variables,” Hawking.

As the Telegraph noted, it’s a pretty specific order:

“Prof Hawking claims the English sportsmen will need a temperate climate as an increase of just 5C could reduce their chances of winning by a massive 59 per cent while the team are twice as likely to be successful on pitches at altitudes of less than 500m.”

“England’s chance of victory increases by a third when starting at 3pm local time and by a fifth if they wear red shirts, which psychologists in German found made teams feel more confident and appear more aggressive to their opponents, the Cambridge-based scientist claimed.”

But there is more to it, Stephen Hawking revealed. The long flight to Brazil could hurt the team’s chances as much as 22 percent, but if they draw a European referee it could erase the deficit. Hawking found that England won 63 percent of its games with a ref from their home continent, compared to 38 percent when the referee is from somewhere else on the globe.

“European referees are more sympathetic to the English game and less sympathetic to ballerinas like Suarez,” Hawking wrote.

But if England somehow gets a penalty shot, they’re screwed. Hawking noted, “As we say in science, England ‘couldn’t hit a cow’s arse with a banjo.'”

In the end, Stephen Hawking said if he had to bet on the World Cup he would put his money on Brazil, but noted, “I am an Englishman and will be cheering our boys all the way to the final in Rio.”

[Image Via Yahoo News]