Video Explains How Michael Sam Is Corrupting Your Kids

By now, the Michael Sam kiss video has made its way across the Internet and back — prompting the question… “just how do we talk to our kids about open depravity in the NFL?”

Luckily, there’s a new viral video, “How To Talk To Your Kids About Michael Sam.” In it, the complexities of explaining a homosexual football player are handled in such a manner we can all clearly see how difficult an issue openly gay athletes are for kids to process.

In short: “basically not even on their radar, if that.” The Michael Sam controversy is sort of telling in the larger reaction seen socially — most people in 2014 don’t really get all that freaked out about football being gayed up by big gays who kiss in public, or during moments later made public.

Of course, some do — and for those people, we have the video above to explain just what’s so scary about talking to your kids about Michael Sam and gay people in general.

The clip is funny (and sad) because — spoiler alert — it highlights the large-scale hypocrisy we have when it comes to gay people and behavior overall.

In it, an adult posing as an inquisitive child runs through a litany of abuses in which Michael Sam could have engaged. But he didn’t, openly straight NFL stars are at fault for this rather extensive list of sins — which forces us to consider why a gay football player is all that scary in the first place.

The “kid” starts by asking his dad if Sam was arrested for abusing his child, to which the “dad” explains that a Cincinnati Bengals player did that.

Then the child asks if he was “trying to solicit a prostitute,” or “arrested for assaulting his ex-wife and the mother of his child” or “arrested on three felony counts of illegal possession of an assault weapon,” to which the father replies that those are indeed other NFL stars, all currently playing for major league teams. (Without anyone asking about the children.)

Then the kid asks about driving while intoxicated (too many to list), being videoed “dragging” a partner out of an elevator following an alleged confrontation (a Ravens player), rape and college football and alleged shoplifting of crab legs (Jameis Winston), and “aggravated assault with a deadly weapon.” (None of which apply.)

After asking one last question about repeated crimes including felonies, the kid asks why Michael Sam is so controversial in light of all this accepted criminality and alleged criminality in the NFL — posing an uncomfortable question about anti-gay bigotry to cap off the video.

If you need further explanation on how to talk to your own kids about Michael Sam, the clip above is both instructive and sort of embarrassing, given it’s still a question we hear whenever someone is gay and famous.