When Mothers Day Isn’t Happy

Mothers Day has been around 100 years, and it is supposed to be the beautiful, heart-warming day where mothers are celebrated, and all is flowers and sunshine. But for too many people, Mothers Day is honestly a very tough day. For some, it may be the hardest holiday of all.

This is for you.

This is for those who have lost their mothers, and for some, it is the first Mothers Day without being able to hug mom or talk to her on the phone.

This is for the mothers with a big, empty place in their heart because a child is gone too soon from this life, through miscarriage, stillbirth, tragedy, or disease.

And this is for those who struggle every year, looking at the cards with all the nice sentiments that would simply be a lie if you sent it to your mother, because she WASN’T there for you, ever, because she’s not sweet and kind or yada yada yada, who leave the greeting card aisle frustrated and hurt and reminded of what was SUPPOSED to be but isn’t.

Mothers Day can be a reminder of just how unfair life can be, and you try to keep it together as you scroll through all the happy, smiley Facebook posts of friends and their mothers, or friends and their children. All the while, there is a great big lump in your throat and part of you wants to scream and break through the empty facade.

Maybe you are in the awkward place of trying to enjoy your children honoring you while the memories of your own mom issues cloud Mothers Day, possibly to the point of not being able to appreciate your own blessings. Or the converse. You may be wanting to celebrate your own mother while your arms are painfully empty.

It is important for those who are grieving to find a way to help process the pain of miscarriage, stillbirth, or loss of a child. The death of a mother, whether the relationship was great or rocky, makes Mother’s Day difficult.

Emotional wounds arising from a dysfunctional family can be debilitating. The helplessness of abuse and molestation can create great anger inside, as well as shame or depression. When a mother does not or can not love her child like the child needs, or if she is absent for whatever reason, then Mother’s Day can seem like a great big mockery.

It’s ok to cry. It’s ok to call a friend. It’s ok to BE where you are, because it hurts, and the sunshine and roses may be painful reminders of what isn’t.

Know that you are not alone this Mothers Day. There are people all around you who are going through stuff, or who have been there before. Some are coping better than others. Some are putting on nice, happy smiley faces and pretending everything is fine, while they are crumbling inside.

Reach out to a friend and tell them what you are going through.

Post this on your wall, and say, “This is me. I am having a hard day.”

Hopefully those around you will pause in their happy day, and put an arm around you and say, “I care.” Or maybe they will send you a few words to let you know they’ve been there too. They may even thank you for being honest enough with your pain that they are able to acknowledge their own pain.

Being able to tell your story is validating and healing. Maybe those around you can’t make it better. There are some wounds that nothing anyone can do can make it better. But there is a whole lot that we can do to make the pain more bearable.

So if this is a Happy Mothers Day for you, great! That is wonderful. But if Mothers Day is a really difficult day for you to get through, know that there are other people who are struggling to get through this day as well.

[images via bing]