Fans of WWE superstar CM Punk have long proclaimed him the "Best in the World," in agreement with one of his most popular catchphrases (of course, there's nothing wrong with "It's Clobberin' Time").
But after his retaliatory attack on Corporate Kane, WWE Director of Operations and the Authority's stooge du jour, CM Punk and his fans have a new #1 to worry about: as a result of his actions, Punk has been named the first entrant into Sunday's Royal Rumble 30-man, over-the-top-rope battle royale.
Sure, the 29 other superstars will be drawn at random, assuming you take a single word Kane or the Authority say at face value (don't), but CM Punk, who spent 434 days on top of the wrestling world, now finds himself at the bottom of a ladder with 29 challenging steps in his quest to main event Wrestlemania.
I'm #1CM Punk's attack on Kane came in response to the choke slam he received in last week's edition of Smackdown. Punk had taken the ring to call out The Shield and the newly-resurgent New Age Outlaws, Road Dogg and Billy Gunn, who'd left him hanging in six-man tag action against those same hounds of justice on RAW.
— Coach (@CMPunk) January 21, 2014
Claiming he was the victim of a conspiracy at the hands of WWE COO Triple-H, former Outlaws running mate in D-Generation X, CM Punk called out all his dance partners at once, prompting the former Big Red Machine to come down and stop the imminent melee before it could start. Then CM Punk had the bright idea to call his would-be savior a cheap-suited sell out, whereupon Kane sicced all five guys on him, only to deliver the exclamation point himself in the form of his former finishing maneuver.
Fast forward to this week's RAW, where Kane is commanded to publicly apologize for his actions, to CM Punk and the entire WWE Universe in the center of the ring. After some gamesmanship, including multiple repetitions of said mea culpa, Punk accepted and offered an apology of his own before unloading his frustration on the 7-foot monster with some forearm shivers and a running knee that sent Kane sprawling to the floor.
That earned Punk a match against Billy Gunn, and his reward for the win was his No. 1 entrance at the Rumble.
In addition to CM Punk's big news, RAW also saw the return of "The Animal" Dave Batista, who made his intentions unmistakably clear: he wants the pair of belts currently in Randy Orton's possession, the two straps which would make him WWE World Heavyweight Champion.
(Picture from WWE)