Jennifer Aniston’s Haircut Is The Most Important Thing Ever

Jennifer Aniston has a new haircut and nothing in the world could possibly mean more.

Typhoon in the Philippines…huh? Oh look, Jennifer Aniston chopped off all of her hair!

That’s at the top of the list. Well, at the top of a few lists. And maybe E! and Us don’t mean to be callous, and yeah, it’s their milieu, but calling Jennifer Aniston’s coif one of the “top 5” or “5 biggest” stories of the week in the face of thousands dead, dying or displaced amid disaster can’t be described much better if keeping to polite language.

It’s certainly not fair to blame Jennifer Aniston for this, because she is not putting her haircut above the most terrible natural disaster in the history of the Philippines. Heck, Jennifer Aniston is probably already trying to figure out how she can user her star power to help those affected. So, is it fair to blame E! and Us for reporting on Jennifer Aniston’s new do? Not really, since it’s kind of what they do; Jennifer Aniston’s hair pretty much keeps the celebrity rag industry going. But describing it in such superlative terms can be avoided, perhaps.

So what party is responsible for this gross skew of priorities between Jennifer Aniston and the Philippines? The Aniston devotees of the world? In the American cult of celebrity, that’s the only logical end to this line of thinking. When essentially good people care more for the flash and flair of the A-list than the real events going on in the world, there’s a problem. In how many people’s personal “top 5” lists does Jennifer Aniston reign supreme over the likes of Typhoon Haiyan? Take a moment of self-reflection to consider what search terms brought you to this page, “Jennifer Aniston” or “Philippines” or “Typhoon Haiyan.”

Jennifer Aniston’s haircut looks great. It’s getting plenty of attention. But maybe we can downgrade the severity from JenCoif 2 to JenCoif 3 or 4 and pay attention to the rest of the world.

What do you think of Jennifer Aniston’s haircut? Is Jennifer Aniston’s haircut really that important? Is Jennifer Aniston your favorite celebrity and did her haircut make your “top 5”?