Heh, at first I was like, “these things are dumb!” and then I was like, “that’s genius!”

Haha, Twilight Sucks is a post from: The Inquisitr

Volvo launched a contest tie-in with the second Twilight movie New Moon, “What drives Edward?”

Twilight fans who participate in the contest can win premiere tickets and a new Volvo. A lot of fans are having trouble with “What drives Edward, phase 4,” and a question on Yahoo Answers points to a video that seemingly helps. (Die hard fans: Stephenie Meyer is appearing on Oprah today to promote New Moon.)

Below, a video of the “what drives Edward, phase 4″ part 1 of the challenge. I’m not playing, so tell me in the comments, does it work?

New Moon Volvo Contest: What drives Edward, phase 4 is a post from: The Inquisitr

Did you, too, find the lack of sex in the Twilight novels to be a deal-breaker?

Despite the fact the Bella and Edward had absolutely no chemistry and you were kind of rooting for the van, you can still get your fandom freak on and have Bella and Edward do it the really old fashioned way- in a shoe box under the bed. Twilight Barbies are available now that Halloween has been over for five minutes and everyone has to start thinking about Christmas OMG this second or all the good toys will get snatched up.

I have not yet obtained a Twilight Barbie, because I like my vampire books with sex and I’m not eleven and even if they had these books when I was eleven I’d say “what’s with this celibacy bollocks” and read VC Andrews instead, so I can only evaluate them from my laptop. The Edward Barbie, I imagine, is just like the real Edward totally Ken-emasculated and unlike the “twilight dildo” (no, not Robert Pattinson, the real thing) he doesn’t even sparkle. Lame.

The Bella Barbie has a slightly more compelling range of facial expressions than real Kristen Stewart and comes in a classy Girls Gone Wild orange skin tone. The dolls are labeled for ages six and over, but we all know creepy Twilight moms are going to buy these up like whoa and not leave any for the kids. Which is probably no small blessing, unless you’re trying to teach your daughter that getting knocked up by some ancient creep who watches you sleep for a whole year without your consent is a valid and commendable life plan.

[Available at Walmart]

“Twilight Barbies” now available is a post from: The Inquisitr

Twilight tattoos are not news- Stephenie Meyer cited them in her critique of certain lines in the movie.

However, the sheer volume of horrible tattoos being inked in homage to this literary abortion and the Diet Coke of vampires is astounding. Edward Cullen, as a character, squicks Robert Pattinson out:

“When you read the book,” says Pattinson, looking appropriately pallid and interesting even without makeup, “it’s like, ‘Edward Cullen was so beautiful I creamed myself.’ I mean, every line is like that. He’s the most ridiculous person who’s so amazing at everything. I think a lot of actors tried to play that aspect. I just couldn’t do that. And the more I read the script, the more I hated this guy, so that’s how I played him, as a manic-depressive who hates himself. Plus, he’s a 108-year-old virgin so he’s obviously got some issues there.”

Although not as much as the author of Twilight herself does:

“When I read it … I was convinced that Stephenie was convinced that she was Bella, and … it was like it was a book that wasn’t supposed to be published, like reading her — her sort of sexual fantasy about some — especially when she says that it was based on a dream, and it’s like, “Oh, then I had a dream about this really sexy guy” and she just writes this book about it, and there’s some things about Edward that are just so specific that … I was just convinced that this woman is mad, she’s completely mad, and she’s in love with her own fictional creation. And I sometimes … feel uncomfortable reading this thing, and I think a lot of people feel the same way, that it’s kind of voyeuristic … It creates this sick pleasure in a lot of ways.”

And yet Twitards fangirls who haven’t yet seen True Blood are lining up to get huge, ugly ass tattoos all over their back acne. Via Geekologie, a collection compiled over at ONTD.

Well that’s… passive-aggressive.

Because the lettering itself wasn’t ugly enough.

Stupid. On your forearm. Until you die.

Maybe this chick just doesn’t like doggy style.

Ha ha! That totally looks like Corey Feldman!

Lamesauce: Twilight tattoo gallery of fail is a post from: The Inquisitr