The Ann Summers sex shop’s “I Love You” sets seemingly have melamine, the stuff that made thousands of Chinese babies sick and led to at least four deaths. The British Food Standards Agency says it’s in the kits’ chocolate-flavored “body pen,” “willy spread,” and “nipple spread” — all of which are made in China.

“This is a first. We’ve never had to put out an alert before on ‘willy spread’ — chocolate-flavored or otherwise,” an FSA spokesperson said in the official announcement.

Some good news, though: If you’ve ingested the spread, you don’t have to spend too much time worrying over what may be the most awkward doctor’s visit of your life. The government says the risk of getting sick from the products isn’t high, even though it is present enough to legally warrant the warning. Also aiding the situation is the fact that adults are less vulnerable to the substance than children — and, we can only hope, only adults will have used Ms. Summers’ fine products.

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Sometimes referred to as the “Google of China,” Baidu says it has the nation’s largest legal online movie and TV database. That database, of course, is closely monitored by government authorities.

Baidu — which pulls in about 60 percent of the Chinese search market share — has denied claims that it deleted sites about tainted milk from its search results this month. Online postings suggested the company had accepted money from dairy companies to help hush concern over bad milk (which is blamed for thousands of sicknesses and a handful of deaths). Baidu does allow advertisers to pay for higher result rankings but maintains it has never in any way censored news related to the infected milk investigation.

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