The Inquisitr » Odd + Funny

Woman causes riot at Burlington Coat Factory with lottery win hoax

Kim LaCapria — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 16:58:48 +0000

A cruel hoax at a Burlington Coat factory in Columbus, Ohio ended in a messy riot.

A woman arrived at the store in a Hummer limo, announcing that she’d won the lottery and offering to cover tabs totaling up to $500. Police likened the scene to the devastation after Hurricane Katrina, and say 500 people crowded the store while 1,000 waited outside as recession-strapped consumers fought to take advantage of Linda Brown’s generous offer.

Before the hoax was even revealed, two dozen police officers were called in to quell the unrest sparked by the woman, who claimed to have won 1.5 million dollars. One desperate shopper said that she didn’t need clothes, but help paying her rent, for which Brown wrote out a check. As cashiers rang sale after sale, Brown left in her limo to withdraw funds to cover the large scale shopping spree- but returned empty handed. The situation predictably worsened, with the large crowds expecting free things and not willing to leave empty handed. Shoppers began throwing merchandise on the floor and looting.

When the limo driver realized he wouldn’t be paid for the debacle either, he turned Brown in to the police. She was charged with aggravated menacing, misuse of a 911 system and causing false alarms. She has not yet been charged in relation to the riot at the store, pending a mental health evaluation.

Elderly Croatian Man Dies during Bargain Basement Oral Sex Romp

Paul Short — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 20:40:15 +0000

An elderly Croatian man has died after securing a bargain basement price on an oral sex session with a local prostitute.

The 80 year old man, known by friends as the type of person who just couldn’t get enough sex despite his advancing years, expertly negotiated a bargain price on oral sex from a local hooker. After the cut-rate price was agreed on, the two went into an abandoned house nearby and as the man was dropping his pants, he keeled over on the floor and was unresponsive when the woman tried to awaken him. The ambulance was called and the man was pronounced dead on arrival to the hospital.

No word on whether his ‘lady friend’ was paid the $6.50 in advance for her killer BJ.

Missing shoes in Germany? You might want to talk to this Fox

Duncan Riley — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 07:00:54 +0000

The mystery behind a spate shoe thefts in a German town has been solved: a local fox had been stealing them.

Locals in the German town of Föhren had wondered for over one year why shoes kept disappearing from doorsteps and garden terraces at night. The mystery was solved by accident, when a forestry worker discovered 120 shoes in a fox’s den in woods just outside the town.

The collection, which German media claimed would have given Imelda Marcos a run for her money, included over 100 hiking shoes, Wellingtons, steel-capped workman’s boots, flipflops and old slippers.

The unnamed Fox with the shoe fetish is believed to be a vixen with a family of cubs, and continues to remain at large. The shoes have been returned to their rightful owners.

Just too many one-liners to think of

Steven Hodson — Wed, 20 May 2009 19:19:29 +0000

Yes folks, the beef jerky has jumped the shark because you too can now own a pair of Brief Jerky (note clever play on wordage) for $139.00 USD. From their Etsy page

Please allow us to introduce our first EVER pair of beef jerky underwear we call BRIEF JERKY. Note the time and care that has gone into crafting this wonderful undergarment. The attention to the properly placed groments that enhance the wearers comfort! We’ve even "bedazzled" this pair and added our Mixed Species logo on the back next to a heart of rhinestones.

This whole thing just opens up the field for some crazy ass one-liners so have at it in the comments. Oh and by the way guys before your get too carried away with fantasy visions forming in that cesspool you call your mind – these are for men only.

US Army Recruiting Suicidal Teens?

Duncan Riley — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 11:54:05 +0000

Look at the sign this way: the other side are, so why shouldn’t the US Army recruit suicidal teens as well? Not sure if it’s shopped or not, but it’s not beyond the realms of possibility that it could be real.

All About National High Five Day

JR — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 15:15:50 +0000

Gimme some skin: Today, April 16, 2009, is National High Five Day. Yes, apparently there is such a holiday. National High Five Day falls on the third Thursday of April every year.

National High Five Day Origins

National High Five Day is a relatively new celebration, started at the University of Virginia in 2002. The explanation of the holiday, according to the official National High Five Day Web site:

“Imagine that while on your way to class, you pass a dignified looking middle-aged man in a suit. You, of course, are wearing the same underwear as yesterday, a pair of pants off your floor, and a T-shirt with something ironic printed on it. Instead of noticing this respectable pillar of society fifteen seconds or so before your interaction is fated to occur, and lowering your head to avoid his disapproving scowl, you take another course of action. You confidently walk forward, and at the moment of passing, you and the businessman simultaneously raise your hands and wordlessly high-five. The sound of the perfect high five resonates, causing those nearby to silently and enviously take notice. You both walk on, and likely relate the story to whomever you eat dinner with that night. There is no reason why this should not happen with alarming frequency.”

National High Five Day: What to Do?

So how to celebrate National High Five Day? The official site suggests you simply “extend your outstretched hand to the next stranger who walks by, and repeat until the High Five is reciprocated.” Seems easy enough.

Need more info? Check out the following National High Five Day documentary. And hey, if it isn’t your thing, there’s always National PB&J Day, National Napping Day, National Pancake Day, Pi Day, or — perhaps most practical of all — National Squirrel Appreciation Day.

Sex dolls, so lifelike you can get off and spark a murder investigation

Samantha DeWitt — Sun, 21 Dec 2008 09:00:23 +0000

Only in Japan. A 60 year-old man, who’s wife a few years ago, had been having a relationship with his “girlfriend’ for some time. Deciding that he would move into the home of one of his children he decided the girlfriend would have to go.

This is where it gets funny. He had developed quite an attachment to the lady so he decided that cutting her up and putting her in the garbage would be too cruel. So he decided to dump her corpse. In a remote wooded area. Tied and wrapped in a sleeping bag so her corpse would have some dignity.

Weeks later, a couple who was walking their dog, discovered the corpse and called the police immediately sparking a murder investigation. It wasn’t until the forensic team arrived hours later and finally started to unwrap and investigate the corpse, that they discovered the corpse was actually a life size sex doll. A deluxe model at that.

Police furious that they had been made to look stupid and convinced that someone was playing a joke on them, vowed in the media to find the person responsible and charge them with interfering with a police investigation. A picture of the forensic team examining the dead sex doll is above.

After seeing the news story about his girlfriend, the old man immediately called the police to explain what happened.

Even though the old man apologized it is expected he may still may face fines for violating Japan’s waste management laws. Presumably they prohibit the dumping of old sex toys that looks like a real woman, in a remore wooded area. That will teach the kinky old guy to recycle.

Via Weird Asia News

Lego Fashion Show: Spring Summer Collection

Samantha DeWitt — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 12:30:11 +0000

Lego is everywhere at the moment, there was the recent Lego terrorist action figures and now Lego inspired Fashion. Electro-flash French designer, J.C. de Castelbajac, created a LEGO-inspired Spring 09 collection and Lego has hit back imitating life, by creating a J.C. de Castelbajac Lego Fashion Show video.

It is awesome video, watch out for the individually done models, the Lego outfits on the runway, the crowd shots, which include the paps, and Anna Wintour even gets a cameo with her trademark sun glasses. Who knew Lego could be so cool.

Pilots complain the A380 is too quiet

Duncan Riley — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 04:09:43 +0000

The Airbus A380, the largest passenger jet to grace the skies has many redeeming features, and one of those is unprecedented levels of cabin quietness.

Passengers flying the A380 love the quiet, but apparently pilots for Emirates Airlines don’t, because instead they can now hear passengers, instead of the drone of engines.

The problem comes due to the layout of the Emirates A380s. In traditional aircraft (and other A380’s) the crew rest area, the space crew members use to sleep on long haul flights is directly behind the cockpit, however in the Emirates A380’s its at the tail of economy class.

Without the drone of the engines, the pilots complain they can hear every wailing infant and flush of the vacuum toilets. To make matters worse according to The Register, passengers also mistake the rest area for a toilet and continually pull on the door handle.

PETA says meat eaters should pay more insurance

Samantha DeWitt — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 10:01:47 +0000

That wacky mob PETA, fresh from “flouring” Lindsay Lohan in Paris has sent a letter to BlueCross BlueShield health insurance company in Vermont on behalf of their 2 million members asking that health insurance premiums be raised for meat eaters and reduced for vegetarians.

They state that meat eating is linked to some of America’s “deadliest diseases” and that agreeing to this request will result in the company saving money, which we all know PETA cares about.

PETA argues that a a cut in insurance premiums would give people an “incentive” to do without meat and that will make them healthier. The letter also warns of the danger of E coli outbreak. I would be more worried about catching the outbreak of smug, superiority that normally accompanies being a vegetarian and PETA member.

BlueCross BlueShield said that discrimination on the grounds of eating preferences was illegal in every state. They obviously didn’t feel the need to add the bit about how they couldn’t give a crap about what PETA thinks anyway.

Via ecosalon

Vicious Bambi 1: Maryland Lobbyist 0

Samantha DeWitt — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 09:53:22 +0000

WTOPnews.com is reporting that Gilbert Genn, a Maryland lobbyist was attacked by a deer outside his home which stabbed him with its antlers when he went to take his dog Yuffie (not a typo) for a walk.

Genn tried to stop the deer attacking Yuffie and was a little too successful as it decided to take him on instead. You can’t make this stuff up.

“It came right at me, from about 10 feet away. I tried to run at an angle, but it caught me flush in the back right leg, impaled me with its weight, knocked me to the ground. It started to come right at my face with its antlers.”

The buck gored Genn in the chest, but he managed to kick it in the belly.

“It impaled me in the groin area. At that point, literally, I took the antler and pulled it out of me.”

Genn said one of his first thoughts was Steve Irwin, although Genn obviously lived to tell the tale and presumably doesn’t randomly yell CRIKEY!

Genn went on to accuse the deer of being a Republican.

“Not to get too partisan, but I’m convinced it was a Republican deer, because it happened right where we had our Obama sign. And all the deer could do was attack, attack, attack. So it had to be a Republican deer.”

This claim is suspicious because clearly no self respecting deer would suppport a ticket that had Palin on it, that would be like voting for genocide.

Kevin Bacon, Poo and Ice Cream

Samantha DeWitt — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 09:13:38 +0000

Poo, ice cream and Kevin Bacon, the story of just who put shit into a family’s ice cream at the Coogee Bay Hotel is gripping Australia. We classily covered the story here yesterday but in case you missed it a family was served what looked like compounded chocolate but was actually faeces, with their free serving of ice cream.

With more twists than an “s” bend here is what broke today:

The ice cream was actually revealed to be gelato. In more interesting news the Hotel held a press conference today, while still serving the free gelato. The Hotel spokesperson alleged the family who was served the excreta, the Whyte family, had “connections” to a rival hotel, implying sabotage.

The Whyte family hit back at claims they tried to “extort” the Hotel for $1 million, and their lawyer said of the claims of competing connections “what is this the six degrees of separation defense?.” The lawyer then went on to ask if Kevin Bacon put the shit in the ice cream.

This probably comes as a surprise to Kevin Bacon, and may well be the first time Kevin Bacon, shit and ice cream have appeared in the same sentence.

So did Kevin do it? We still think it was more likely the girls from 2 girls,1 cup.

Suspected Snack Burglars Caught Cheeto-Fingered

JR — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 17:38:36 +0000

Note to would-be burglars: Don’t eat cheese doodles during your getaway.

Three Minnesota teenagers are facing criminal charges after police say they broke into a vending machine, then ate Cheetos all the way home.

Officers noticed orange dust on the ground when they got to a rec center’s smashed and looted vending machine in St. Paul. They traced the cheesy dust all the way around the building and to a home around the corner. Curiously enough, the home was filled with lots of bags of vending machine snacks.

Each teen claimed he didn’t steal anything — after which we can only assume he licked the Cheeto residue off his fingers and opened up a bag of Corn Nuts.

26 Teen Cheerleaders Squeezed Into An Elevator…

JR — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 23:34:06 +0000

It sounds like the beginning of a bar joke, but this is no tall tale: Twenty-six teenage cheerleaders had to be rescued from a tiny dormitory elevator in Texas this week.

The girls, who were attending a cheerleading camp in Austin, packed themselves into the elevator at 6:00 last night. They apparently exceeded its capacity, because when it reached the ground floor, the doors wouldn’t open.

Some of the girls made frantic cell phone calls, bringing police and firefighters to the dorm. Eventually, a repairman got there and got them out — after nearly half an hour of work.

In related news, scores of teenage boys are expected to be lining up outside an Austin, Texas dorm elevator at 5:58 tonight.

911, Help…I Didn’t Get Sauce On My Sandwich

JR — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 19:08:06 +0000

We talked last week about some strange phone calls coming into the UK’s 999 emergency line. This week, it’s America taking the cake — or, to be more accurate, the sandwich — when it comes to unusual police calls.

A man in Jacksonville, Florida called 911 twice to complain that Subway forgot to put the sauce on his spicy Italian sandwich, according to the city’s newspaper. The first call, the paper says, was to report the faulty sandwich. The second was to ask why officers were taking so long to arrive.

Employees at the Subway store say they locked the guy out when he started yelling and becoming belligerent. He was eventually arrested.

Maybe those sandwich artists will learn to put the damned sauce on next time.

World’s Oldest Jokes: Farting, Fishing, and Thigh-High Poking

JR — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 15:03:47 +0000

Think that guy at the corner cubicle’s telling the oldest jokes in the world? Think again.

A new list from the UK’s University of Wolverhampton dug up the oldest recorded jokes known to mankind. The rustiest one in the collection is a proverb from the Sumerians in 1900 BC:

“Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman did not fart in her husband’s lap.”

Hmm. So the humor itself has clearly evolved over time, but at least the subject matter is constant.

The next oldest one, from 1600 BC, is also a killer:

How do you entertain a bored pharaoh? You sail a boatload of young women dressed only in fishing nets down the Nile and urge the pharaoh to go catch a fish.

The UK, at least, has a decent one in its history books. The oldest recorded British humor comes from the 10th century AD:

What hangs at a man’s thigh and wants to poke the hole that it’s often poked before? A key.

We couldn’t make this stuff up if we tried.