While any one with an iPhone regardless of age or sensibility can access the most hardcore of porn via the internet, Apple has been notoriously draconian when it comes to optimizing smut for the iPhone and iPod touch.

“But…” you may object, “the internet is for porn! And devices designed to present the internet to us in other ways should embrace and nourish this natural partnership!” Many would agree. And while there are apps to get you off and apps to tell you just how drunk you can drive, bikini apps have remained a sticking point for Apple when it comes to its precious App Store. Apple sticks to its guns in protecting “the children,” who probably make up a very small share of regular iPhone users.

Philip Schiller, a marketing rep for Apple, spoke to the New York Times about the decision.

“It came to the point where we were getting customer complaints from women who found the content getting too degrading and objectionable, as well as parents who were upset with what their kids were able to see,” Mr. Schiller said.

More frustrating than Apple telling us what we can and cannot see on the devices we pay monthly to use, however, is the double standard when dealing with independent companies who may have invested a lot to bring an app to market versus well known, moneyed companies with iPhone apps. Two popular apps by Playboy and Sports Illustrated show the same content featured in many suddenly banned apps, the key difference being those companies are owned by rich people with swimming pools full of money:

When asked about the Sports Illustrated app, Mr. Schiller said Apple took the source and intent of an app into consideration. “The difference is this is a well-known company with previously published material available broadly in a well-accepted format,” he said.

Hopefully Apple will eventually realize that it is not their place to dictate what you can and cannot do with your iPhone once you bend over and pay them for it, and continue to pay hefty data charges monthly to keep the damn thing running. As a parent myself, I would never expect a massive company to decide what my child can or cannot see, nor do I feel that the world should quit turning until my son is old enough to look at a set of tits on an iPod touch screen. I’ve handled the issue of objectionable content by monitoring what I allow my children to be exposed to and not allowing them unfettered access to the internet or the Disney channel. Parents who believe that this kind of global childproofing is acceptable need to be set straight and quickly, before the future of mobile smut is compromised.

The introduction of a parental control setting could head this entire controversy off at the pass. Or, we could all poke our eyes out with sticks so we don’t see bikini covered boobs on the iPhone. Which option sounds better to you, Apple?

Apple clarifies App Store censorship, only indie boobs apps are banned is a post from: The Inquisitr

Oh, the iPhone… what can’t it do?

Via Gizmodo comes today’s hot new app, MyVibe. The free app purports to give your phone a sexy second function- as a vibrator. The arguably x-rated app is the only one of its kind to be approved by Apple, and is offered by online sex shop My Pleasure. iCame?

Purely for research purposes, I downloaded the MyVibe app to check out the specs. It doesn’t boast any magical powers to make your phone buzz harder, though. (Not that I tried. For fifteen minutes.) There’s a little Apple-style on off button that starts things up. And in the upper right hand corner, there are up and down arrows to direct the buzzing.

The numbers appear to dictate the timing of vibrations, with 100 being slower, more spaced buzzes versus the faster, more intense buzzing closer to one. Thirty-three seemed to have a pretty good rhythm if you’re into that sort of thing.

There’s no clear way to have anyone control the vibrations remotely, which might be a fun use for the app- although I suppose it would require just waiting around with your phone on your hoo-ha. And the vibrations are decidedly weak- if you’re looking for a real vibrator, this isn’t going to get you very far.

But as a free app, it’s not too bad. You might want to check it out if you’re easily stimulated or afraid of getting caught out with your Hitachi Magic Wand by airport security. I hear that can be very embarrassing.

iPhone’s saucy new app turns your cell into a vibrator is a post from: The Inquisitr