Madonna and Guy Ritchie have settled their divorce in what has been called “one of the largest payouts ever in a divorce settlement” by representative Liz Rosenberg. The payout, which is estimated to total “at least” 50 million pounds (76 million USD), dwarfs even that of Heather Mills’ settlement with Paul McCartney.

The two had an estimated joint worth of a staggering $525 million (Guy has a respectable fortune of his own totaling $35 million). Custody details for their children have yet to be released, but at least Guy’s got their London pub, The Punchbowl, and their country house in the bag right now!

Madonna and Guy Settle Divorce: One of the “Largest Payouts Ever” is a post from: The Inquisitr

Madonna has gone totally high school! The Mirror ran a hilarious exclusive that describe Madonna’s text fights with Guy Ritchie– “dozens” of super-vindictive message, which The Mirror called “weird.” While he was working on his Sherlock Holmes film (and soulfully strumming his guitar?), Guy supposedly received a text that read “You’re going down,” which he then showed to all of the film crew.

I guess he’s used to it by now, although it’s said that he admitted that “[...] It’s not funny. Imagine what it was like living with her.” A source commented on Madge’s behavior, saying “She loves to wind Guy up and this is just another example of her oddball humour. He doesn’t take these things too seriously. If he did, it would drive him mad.”

Oh wait.

Madge to Guy: “You’re Going Down” is a post from: The Inquisitr

If this is true, then I don’t blame Guy Ritchie for getting as far away from Madge as possible: according to The Sun, Madonna used a “marriage contract” to “control him.” It sounds weird, but it gets weirder:

“The document detailed how many dates the couple should go on and how often they should have sex.

It stated that Guy had to ‘work to enrich his wife’s emotional and spiritual wellbeing’ and ordered him to devote several hours a week to reading Kabbalah texts with Madge. It even had instructions on what words Guy should use during rows ‘to resolve conflicts in a constructive way.’”

It’s a joke, though, right? It sounds like something that would never be enforced (because it’s entirely too ridiculous), but one source even told The Sun that when Guy would deviate from said guidelines, Madonna would simply say “Contract, Guy, contract.”

Guy is probably the happiest guy ever right now. He’s learning to play the guitar and live without The Rules.

That whole “not settling without a fight thing” makes a lot more sense.

Madonna’s “Codes of Conduct” Made Guy Fly the Coop is a post from: The Inquisitr