The Inquisitr » jesus

Man Says Jesus To Blame For Drug Accessories

AHN — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 10:38:16 +0000

Louisville, KY (AHN) – A Kentucky man on house arrest told police Jesus set him up, leaving a burnt teaspoon in his home.

Louisville police were performing a home check on Craig A. Dunn when they found burnt tube of aluminum foil burnt on one end and a spoon with burn marks and possible drug residue, WLKY-TV reported.

When police asked Dunn about the items, he said they weren’t his-and told police that the spoon and foil belonged to Jesus, who he maintains is trying to set him up.

Police were checking on Dunn because he is under home incarceration because of a parole violation. He faces a charge of possession of drug paraphernalia.

No word from on high regarding the claims against Jesus.

Turn and face Jesus…seriously, he’s next to you

Duncan Riley — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 12:25:01 +0000

I bet the guy with the sign didn’t expect to see Jesus appear next to him when he got up in the morning.

Jesus spotted in door at IKEA

Dennis Bjørn Petersen — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 11:58:34 +0000

The wood on the door of the gentlemen’s toilets in IKEA’s Braehead outlet, near Glasgow clearly shows a Gandalf Jesus visage resembling the Turin Shroud.
According to The Sun a witness said:

It takes you by surprise. It is really clear in the wood. I was only heading to the toilet and found God. My wife thought He looked like Gandalf from Lord of the Rings but it is definitely more like the Turin Shroud. It’s certainly not what you expect to find in an Ikea store. Mind you, you need a little divine intervention to get out of here sometimes.”

The local IKEA management thinks it looks more like ABBA co-founder Benny Anderson.

This is just a funny picture I found. The one above is the real sighting.

Jesus makes surprise appearance in an MRI

Duncan Riley — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 02:48:50 +0000

A Philadelphia woman is claiming that Jesus had made a special appearance on his world tour of weird places by deciding to drop in and say hi on an MRI image.

Rhonda Hodge had a set of MRI shots taken due to issues with a bulged disc, when she made the startling discovery. “What went through my mind?” Hodge told local media. “Just surprise. Oh my God, that’s the crucifixion.”

Hodge isn’t going as far as saying Jesus performed a miracle as well, but she’s not ruling it out: “My neck does feel better. I don’t know if that was Jesus or physical therapy.”

There is no word yet on when the image will make its way onto eBay, although credit where due, the local station did get her to say that she’s considering it.

Man finds Jesus in burnt burger grease

Paul Short — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 01:47:07 +0000

21 year old Oliver Bellerby was shocked to find the face of Jesus in a baking tray after making himself a burger for lunch recently.

Bellerby, from Harrogate, Yorkshire, in the U.K. threw a burger in the pan and popped it into the oven for lunch. After cooking and eating the burger, he says:

“I went back to the kitchen after having dinner to get a drink and I just saw it straight away – the face of Jesus. My mate saw it too when I showed him. It blew us both away so we took a picture.”

We’re adding this Jesus in burger fat story to our list of previous Jesus sightings in Cheetos, Clouds, Lego and even in an Ultrasound.

Source: The Sun

Virgin Mary spotted in bird poop

Duncan Riley — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 04:57:29 +0000

Virgin Mary spotting has dropped to new lows with a Texas family claiming that the mother of Jesus has made an appearance in bird poop attached to their pickup truck.

The image of the Virgin Mary appeared after Salvador Pachuca returned home after having an accident four months ago. The truck was taken outside for a wash, and then the Virgin Mary bird poop magically fell from the sky.

“I told my brothers come over here and see what this is and they say this is the Virgin,” says Salvador Pachuca told local media. Wife Cristal said she took pictures and began making calls to invite others to see, what she describes as, a miracle. “We just all feel protected. It’s a blessing to our family and to everybody that comes to see it.”

The family say they will welcome anyone who wants to see the image, and there are no plans yet to sell the bird poop on eBay.

The local TV station report as follows:

The Ultimate Spoiler

Duncan Riley — Sun, 05 Jul 2009 21:00:37 +0000

I think this spoiler probably goes without saying, but just in case you hadn’t heard.

No related posts.

Oh my…God in my Salami!

Duncan Riley — Thu, 07 May 2009 03:25:29 +0000

We’ve seen all sorts of strange religious related appearances before, but this one surely sizzles. A South Florida woman frying salami was shocked to find that God had left his mark, in the form of his name.

Nancy Simoes claims that she didn’t see God coming, but none the less managed to discover the letters across three pieces of salami in order. She told local media that some people may think she’s crazy, but “I can’t make this up. … it’s there in the burn marks.”

The only remaining question for Simoes is how to preserve the salami for its inevitable sale on eBay. A local TV report as follows:

Florida Governor on Jesus plates: don’t like it, don’t buy it

Duncan Riley — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 07:09:32 +0000

The separation of church and state in Florida is under heavy fire, with the State set to issue Jesus Christ number plates.

The proposed license plates depict in one version Jesus on the cross in front of a stained-glass window. The Jesus plates will be similar to vanity plates, in that they will be an option as opposed to general issue.

Florida Governor Charlie Crist has been urged to veto legislation that would introduce the number plates, but has so far flatly refused.

“I would not veto those …. No, I would not,” Crist said. Asked if he has a problem with Jesus on a license plate, Crist responded “I don’t. No.” On the question of Church and state, Crist argued that “If they don’t want one they don’t have to buy one” and defended the plates on the basis that “I think it … What’s it say? ‘In God We Trust’ on every single piece of monetary, coins and paper we have? I think it’s fine.”

Here’s a video of the proposed number plates, and the interview with Governor Crist.

(via TampaBay.com)

Hand of God Rock Wall for sale on eBay

Duncan Riley — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 01:12:11 +0000

We’ve seen Jesus toast, Virgin Mary Crackers, and even the odd satan related item in the past, but for a change we have something new: the Hand of God Rock Wall.

Paul Grayhek from Northern Idaho claims the 9 feet tall and 4 feet wide hand appeared in his backyard after a rockfall during Lent on March 8. “I prayed between licking my wounds and looking for a job,” he told CNN. “We rarely get rockfalls and this formation is 20 feet from my house. It’s definitely a symbol of the hand of God in my life.”

Naturally the hand is up for sale on eBay (here) and bidding is currently at $102.51. There are a couple of catches: the buyer has to remove the hand, restore the ground where the hand is currently located, and last but not least, pay for all “city, county, state or federal permits, easements and/or fees.”

If jumping through hoops to get the hand of god is too much for you, an alternative listing on eBay is offering the “finger of god,” with bidding currently at $10.50.

Easter may be over, but you can still down a Jesus Beer

Duncan Riley — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 07:36:25 +0000

A hard earned first calls for a big cold beer, and the best cold beer comes from Christ: Jesus Beer.

Jesus Beer has a website, although we suspect it’s just a rather clever spoof, despite a merchandise store offering six packs for $6.66

Here’s the Jesus Beer commercial. I know it makes me want to drink it.

Jesus found in Lego

Steven Hodson — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 19:15:10 +0000

Over the Easter holidays we have had a spate of religious or holiday related icons showing up in strange places. First it was the bunny discovered staring back from a potato chip which was followed up by a gentleman discovering the head of Jesus in the KitKat bar he had just taken a bit out of. None of this compares though with what was unveiled at a church in Sweden over the Easter holidays.

In time for their Easter morning service the church unveiled a copy of the famous statue by Danish sculptor Bertel Thorvaldsen’s called “Christus” and is on display in Copenhagen. However this isn’t just any type of copy. No it is one made entirely out of Lego and took the 40 volunteers about 18 months to complete.

The original statue in the one on the right.

[hat tip to LikeCool]

Have a break, have a Jesus Kit-Kat

Duncan Riley — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 02:34:40 +0000

Easter is time for Easter Bunny potato chips and Jesus sightings, and the latest is a doozy: Jesus has been spotted in a Kit-Kat.

The Kit-Kat hails from the Netherlands, where the story is a little Google Translate sketchy. Here’s what I managed to pull out (original link/ translated)

“Dear editor, this morning on my work, I am shocked rot. I took a bite of a chocolate bar and then I saw a face in the bar. Well, there are the recent years many Christ Apparitions, and I find that all rather far-fetched . In a pillow or a meteorite I read last. So first I could not believe it, but two of my colleagues agreed that I have seen. One of them has these photos. “

Meteorites….ok. No word yet on an auction, but you’d hope they get around to freezing the bar soon before it melts.

(link via Gizmodo)

Jesus Starts 2009 World Tour on New Zealand Toast

Duncan Riley — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 06:01:23 +0000

The year isn’t one day old (well on the West Coast), and yet the hardest working man in the wacky appearances business has started his 2009 Tour.

Fittingly, Jesus started his tour in one of the first places on the planet to welcome 2009, New Zealand, with a decent appearance on a piece of toast.

Proving that he’s keen to reach out to people no matter where they come from, Jesus didn’t just pick ordinary toast, but toasted pita bread, a favorite in the Middle East.

Bidding at a the time of writing is up to $31 NZD ($19.70 USD), and according to The Age, the owner has declined an offer to swap the Jesus toast for a sack of potatoes that look like the Virgin Mary.

You can follow the auction here.

Mark Sutto takes Bible Thumping Literally

Duncan Riley — Sun, 30 Nov 2008 14:00:41 +0000

Street Preacher Mark Sutto was arrested this week for attempting to thump people with his bible.

Authorities in Clearwater, FL. say Sutto came to their attention during the running of the Turkey Trot 10k” a local running race held on Thanksgiving Day. Sutto was delivering a street sermon when the runners were passing, and when they didn’t stop to listen is when things started getting interesting.

According to reports, Sutto attempted to hit several runners with his Bible while screaming at the runners at the same time. We’re not sure what exactly he was screaming, but surely the sacred art of Bible Thumping must have specialist phrases, like “bow down before me so the Lord may smite you with his book.”

Sutto was arrested and charged with disorderly conduct after several warnings from police. He remained in jail on Saturday after no one came forward to provide the $150 required to bail him out.

Jesus said road rage is ok in San Antonio

Samantha DeWitt — Sun, 30 Nov 2008 08:36:59 +0000

Apparently in San Antonio Jesus told a man to “take a woman off the road because she wasn’t driving like a christian.” It has been reported that the bizarre incident which involved a speeding pickup truck (don’t they all) rear-ending a woman’s sedan occurred on Friday. Texans have given us many great things for example the Bush family Texan Barbecue, but Jesus instructing people to commit road rage may be the best yet.

The sheriff’s office issued a press release stating that the driver had advised them the incident was Jesus’ will because the other motorist was not “driving like a Christian.”

“He just said God said she wasn’t driving right, and she needed to be taken off the road,” said Lt. Kyle Coleman of the Bexar County Sheriff’s Office.

The driver of the pickup, with the direct line to God was identified in the Sheriff’s Office news release as Michael E. Schwab, 52, of Blooming Grove.

According to the release the poor 35-year-old woman was driving her sedan in an allegedly “unchristian like manner” when Schwab who was going more than 100 mph took her out. The crash caused both vehicles to spin across a median before they came to a stop along a barrier in the opposite direction. Neither driver was seriously injured.

“God must have been with them, ’cause any other time, the severity of this crash, it would have been a fatal,” Coleman said.

Schwab was charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon (the pickup). His bail was set at $50,000, according to the release. It is unclear if Jesus will be posting the bail or exactly what the guy thought an unchristian manner was. Maybe she didn’t have one of those fish stickers on the back window.

In any event if you are an unchristian driver be afraid. Jesus is watching.

Apparently Christians don’t find Chocolate Jesus’ Tasty

Duncan Riley — Fri, 28 Nov 2008 03:05:28 +0000

German Christian Churches are outraged by an innovative businessman who is selling Jesus chocolates.

The “Sweet Lord” chocolate shop (not we’re not making this up) was set up by Frank Oynhausen as a way to restore some traditional religious values to Christmas in Germany.

Alas, although his heart, or maybe stomach was in the right place, the German Protestant Church criticized either didn’t like the idea, or the grade of chocolate, calling the chocolate Jesus’ tasteless. Catholics were reported to be “not amused” as well.

“I started thinking about how I could reintroduce traditional religious values into this commercial world,” said Oynhausen.

Reports suggest thousands have placed orders for the chocolate Jesus’.

Jesus sighted in a coffee cup [exclusive]

Duncan Riley — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 08:55:49 +0000

Jesus’ world tour of interesting places took a turn towards Australia this weekend when he appeared in a coffee cup.

This exclusive photo for The Inquisitr shows Jesus appearing in a cup of poorly tasting cappuccino in the Rocks in Sydney, New South Wales.

The image however was short lived, as the Cappuccino was consumed.

No related posts.

Jesus spotted in a cloud

Duncan Riley — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 00:45:47 +0000

Jesus sightings have been a little slow lately, but the man upstairs has reappeared up high…in a cloud to be precise.

Jesus in a cloud was captured by a resident of Western Sydney last year, but his story is only now getting attention, in this case by News.com.au.

Surprisingly Jesus in cloud sitings are fairly common, with pages and pages of results on YouTube.

Here’s the video of Jesus up high. You can see what looks like a face, so it’s marginally better than some previous outings.

Jesus spotted on a moth

Duncan Riley — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 04:36:14 +0000

Jesus has appeared on wood, a towel, cellphones and a ultrasound in recent months, but the latest Jesus siting isn’t for sufferers of Mottephobia, because Jesus has appeared on the back of a moth.

East Texas man Kirk Harper spotted the moth on an RV trailer Monday, and told local reporters that right away he could tell it was unique.

Of all the recent sitings, this one at least has some strong semblance of a face. Bonus points though because apparently when the moth flutters, the mouth moves. Pics above.