Web searches are off the hook today for Bunny Ranch hooker Cami Parker after a racy (and racist?) Howard Stern show interview which shook my basic belief that most things between consenting adults are a-okay.

Parker is undeniably mass-produced pretty, in the way manufactured homes and brand new malls can be pretty- although even in the product pics on her Bunny Ranch page, Cami looks like uncomfortable. As if she’s smiling through some kind of low level discomfort, like a blister or vagina-sand. Cami describes her “interests” in detail on her page:

Will you help me fulfill my fantasies? Making you feel good makes me feel sooo good.

My interests include music, the theater, blowjobs, fine dining, blowjobs, traveling, museums, art galeries, expensive shoes, trying new things in bed, blow jobs, playing the blackjack tables, fulfilling your fantasies, shopping, blowjobs, making you feel like a king, laughing, writing, and blowjobs.

I went to massage school in Canada and love touching people. If you think we have any common interests, I’d love to meet you. I like girls and I can promise you the greatest time of your your life because making you feel good is what I do best.

Cami’s canned misogynist banter and dismissal of black men as “not her thing” is sadly just the kind of icky one expects out of the Bunny Ranch. Cami also admits to frequently rolling in the hay with that gross old madam Dennis Hof, who she creepily calls “Daddy.” Ew, ew ew. I know homegirl has a product to sell, but watching Cathouse just makes me wish these women could do it in a way that’s not damaging to the rest of us that have to walk around in possession of breasts on a daily basis.

Girl of your dreams? Have you got a rainy day fund? Cami Parker also told Howard Stern that she’s auctioning her “other” virginity for a mere $25,000. While I’ve always vehemently thought prostitution should be legal, sex workers like this are just a whole bowl of wrong. You can read the even more lurid details of Cami Parker’s Howard Stern interview and Bunny Ranch experiences here.

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Stern touched on a number of hilarious topics- dissing the Eminem/Baron Cohen stunt, Conan O’Brien, and receptionists stealing your radio show in part one.

In part two, Stern and Letterman traded barbs about their respective weddings- Stern rips Letterman for depriving his wife of a celebrity wedding and for “living on a farm in Montana.”

For part three, viewable below, Stern and Letterman discuss keeping Richard Simmons happy and answer some viewer questions. Stern gives some “personal advice” on what makes a happy marriage and divulges his secret on his newlywed strategy, which includes seeing a psychiatrist three times a week.

Stern goes on to critique Rush Limbaugh and dishes on his calling in life- “extracting sexual information from people.”

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Howard Stern on Twitter

The account, at http://twitter.com/sternshow, has about 5200 followers as of this posting. The updates from Thursday morning (the first day any tweets were sent) aren’t exactly enlightening, though. Thus far, Howard Stern’s Twitter account has updates such as:

“Robin is doing the news”

“Playing the Gossip Game”

“Howard is talking to his movie wife Mary McCormack”

As of now, Howard Stern’s Twitter account is not following any other Twitter profiles.

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Alana Love — who, by her own accounts, is 20 years old and seven months pregnant — starting working at the Nevada “ranch” last week. She appeared on “The Howard Stern Show” Tuesday morning to discuss her decision.

The interview was decidedly Stern-like, with Howard commenting on how hot Love was and asking her to strip down. When asked how many men she had been intimate with, Love stated she’d only been with three men prior to her start at the Bunny Ranch. She also said her father was the mayor of her town growing up.

As for the child’s father, it appears he is not in the picture. Alana Love said he was only paying her $25 a month for child support. Stern, of course, didn’t leave it at that — he got the guy on the phone. The man claimed Love had been “sleeping with every guy she could find” and said he wouldn’t get any more involved until she had a DNA test.

Alana Love told Stern she plans to work at the Bunny Ranch through January. Her due date, oddly enough, is February 14.

We’ll let Ms. Love explain the rest for herself. The following is from her Scandalist.com diary, which promises weekly updates throughout her, uh, journey. You can also check out her profile at the Bunny Ranch here, which includes, dare we say, plenty more photos — although be advised that there is also plenty of NSFW content on the site.

Alana Love: Diary From The Bunny Ranch

Today was my first day at the ranch. I’ve always wanted to do this and when my baby comes, I think I will be able to give her a better life. I was really excited to start today. I know some people will be critical of my choice, but it’s my life. I am an adult. I’m not doing anything to harm my baby — and it’s legal.

I started my day by getting a tour of the ranch. After my tour, I went to my first lineup, where we girls line up and a customer comes in to choose one – or more haha – of us for a party . A nervous looking 27-year-old man came in and looked me up and down and picked me out of the line. I was more shocked than anything that I was picked. There are so many beautiful women. I took the man to a room with my beautiful friend Ashley and we had an amazing threesome. After the first hour, he kept rebooking and rebooking. He wanted another half an hour, then a half an hour in the hot tub. We had a great time.

So far I think this will be a pretty good life. I wonder all the time what my baby will look like and what she will want to do with her life. I’m not sure how I will feel if she wants to do this kind of work. Obviously if she is over 18, I won’t be able to second guess it. If she is under my own roof, I would have to second guess her. Either way, I am going to support her. If she did it right, it would be ok. I could definitely tell her about all the wrongs and rights! That’s all for now…

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