The Inquisitr » funny news

Hello, 911? McDonald’s is Out of McNuggets! (Hear the Actual Audio Here)

JR — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 16:11:04 +0000

A Florida woman called 911 three times to report that a Fort Pierce McDonald’s had run out of McNuggets. Investigators have now released the audio recordings of all three calls.

McDonald’s 911 Call: No McNuggets!

The woman, a 27-year-old named Latreasa Goodman, told police the McDonald’s didn’t have any chicken nuggets and wouldn’t give her her money back.

“The manager just took my money and won’t give me my money back, trying to make me get something off the menu that I don’t want,” she said on the phone. “”I ordered chicken nuggets. They don’t have chicken nuggets, and so I told her, ‘Just give me my money back,’ and she tells me I have to pick something else off the menu.”

When police suggested to Goodman that her issue might not be an emergency, she responded:

“This is an emergency. If I would have known they didn’t have McNuggets, I wouldn’t have given my money, and now she wants to give me a McDouble, but I don’t want one. This is an emergency.”

The McDonald’s, by the way, issued an apology and said it would make sure Goodman got her money back. She may need it, too: Police arrested Goodman on charges of misusing of the 911 system — and odds are, that kind of criume results in a fine slightly higher than $1.99.

McDonald’s 911 Call Audio

Click on the player below to listen to the nearly five minutes of audio from the three McDonald’s 911 calls.

Woman who was caught breast-feeding while driving breast-feeds again during TV interview [VIDEO]

JR — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 17:07:22 +0000

A woman pulled over for breast-feeding her baby while driving is now facing charges of child endangerment. The same woman started breast-feeding her baby during a TV interview about the incident.

Police say Genine Compton had the baby in her lap while she was driving her other children to school in the city of Kettering, Ohio last week. Officers report she was also talking on her cell phone.

“If my child’s hungry, I’m going to feed it,” Compton said during an interview with a Dayton-area television station.

She then started breast-feeding her baby. On-camera. During the interview. We’re not making this up.

Video follows. Compton could face up to 180 days in jail from the charges.

VIDEO: Topless Cafe Adds New “Perk” To Maine Coffee

JR — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 16:13:06 +0000

Talk about getting a perky start to your day: A Maine coffee shop has decided to set itself apart from the competition by taking the tops off–of its waitresses, that is. The appropriately titled Grand View Topless Coffee shop opened its doors in the town of Vassalboro, Maine this week. Needless to say, the topless cafe is already creating quite the stir.

The Topless Coffee Shop

Grand View Topless Coffee saw plenty of protests prior to its opening this week. But so far, owner Don Crabtree says business has been promising.

“We want to keep the girls respectable, not trashy,” Crabtree tells the local paper. “The biggest thing is keeping people happy.”

As such, the topless cafe makes its rules clear: You have to be over 18 to get in, you can’t take photos, and you can’t touch the gals.

The Topless Cafe Staff

To be fair, Maine’s topless coffee shop isn’t just for the fellas’ eyes: Three of its 10 waiters are guys (who, you guessed it, also walk around without shirts). Clearly, though, it’s the female exposure grabbing most of the attention. One of the topless waitresses tells the Morning Sentinel she had one customer who came in, gulped down his coffee in minutes, handed her a $100 bill, then left–all without saying a single word.

“I love it,” one of the girls tells the paper. “I find it very empowering, not degrading.”

Crabtree tells the media a full 150 people lobbied for the jobs. Only 10 were hired.

Right now, the Grand View Topless Coffee shop serves up donuts ($2 each) and regular New England Coffee ($3 a cup). You can get any cup size you want–just don’t ask for the milk.

Topless Cafe Video

The following report shows video inside the Grand View Topless Coffee cafe, including interviews with some of the employees.

Football Players Punished For Mid-Game Urination

JR — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 22:49:48 +0000

A group of high school football players seems to have no defense when it comes to photographic evidence of an apparent mid-game public pee party.

The guys — from New Berlin Eisenhower High School, in the aptly named town of “Pewaukee,” Wisconsin — evidently let it all fly in front of parents, students, and the other team during a game’s halftime this week. And fans in the stands saw it all. (And, for some reason, decided to take pictures of it.)

The school has decided to suspend the players and their coach for one game. But complaints are still, erm, streaming in. Some parents say the team should be required to clean up the field as a punishment.

As for the teens’ story, they say the bathrooms were locked earlier in the day and they didn’t know what else to do. Evidently, walking 10 more steps to avoid whipping it out in front of the crowds didn’t come to mind.

Pewaukee TV station WTMJ wasted no time dispatching crews to cover this late-breaking story. Their report is below.

MySpace Helps Track Down Suspected Monkey Thief

JR — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 16:51:35 +0000

Social networking can do plenty of things. This may be the first time, though, we’ve heard of it leading to the arrest of a suspected monkey thief.

Police in Pennsylvania had been looking for the guy since March. He’s accused of snatching two monkeys from the Wild World of Animals in the town of Eighty Four. He’d be on the run for months since missing a court date this past spring.

Then came the previously untapped primate power of MySpace. A prosecutor looked up the accused monkey man’s page and discovered he’d posted his new phone number and address there. (The page wasn’t even set to be private.) Authorities used that info to easily find him and arrest him.

The moral of the story: If you steal monkeys and run away from the law, make sure your MySpace page is set to “private” before posting your contact information. Otherwise, you’ll end up being the one in the cage playing with his own poo.

How To Have Sex With Hot Female Tourists (And Get Paid For It)

JR — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 21:37:19 +0000

A Turkish hotel owner has inadvertently advertised her hotel as being the best place in the entire world for a guy to work.

The owner says she just had to fire every single male employee at her establishment — because they ALL had been caught having repeated intimate relations with female guests. Tourists. Visiting to sun themselves at the nearby beaches. In small bikinis. Which they readily removed.

The owner told Reuters she’d “been facing the same problem every year.” The most recent case, she says, ended when she noticed her bartender “walk out of the bathroom with a British tourist.” Hey, at least he shut the door.

So I already had my application filled out and my passport ready, but then I noticed the disappointing part of the story: The owner is now hiring only female staff members as a solution. Damn.

There’s gotta be some kind of discrimination lawsuit we can file to get around that, right?

Using “Pants” In Your Password Can Backfire

JR — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 22:28:52 +0000

Slyly insulting your bank with the word “pants” can have its consequences.

Sound crazy? Check it out: A British bank customer says he wasn’t pleased with his bank, Lloyd’s TSB, so he changed his banking password to “Lloyds is pants.” Brilliant insult, if I don’t say so myself.

But things only get funnier from there. The guy says he soon discovered a bank staff member had changed the password — to “no it’s not.”

So our fella, of course, tried to change it again. This time he opted to go with “Barclays is better,” referring to a competing British bank. He says, though, the system wouldn’t let him; he had mysteriously been locked out of changing the password at all. And when he called the bank, he says they wouldn’t let him change it back to “Lloyds is pants,” either — because they thought it was inappropriate.

“I asked if it was ‘pants’ they didn’t like, and would ‘Lloyds is rubbish’ do? But they didn’t think so,” he told the BBC.

Our saucy lad asked if he could change it to “censorship,” but the bank shot that one down too.

The bank has since apologized and says the employee who made the initial change no longer works there.

What a load of pants.

The “Condom Ringtone” — Seriously?

JR — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 19:55:30 +0000

If you think you’ve heard the wackiest of ringtones, think again. The hot new cell phone sound in India is — no joke here — the “condom ringtone.” Listen for yourself in this ad:

The catchy little a capella ditty in there is the real deal. The tune is part of a campaign — funded, amusingly enough, by the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation — to promote safe sex in India. I guess hearing that song at the right moment could inspire you.

The ringtone’s available for free at the aptly named condomcondom.org. Organizers say it’s been downloaded 60,000 times since going live just over a week ago.

WATCH THIS: Debate Coach Depants Himself During Heated Exchange

JR — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 16:44:13 +0000

Two college debate coaches stole the spotlight from their students during a national tournament in Kansas this week.

The video — already becoming a fast hit on YouTube — shows eight minutes of hilarious antics and arguments. The highlight, no doubt, is a moment when the bare-footed, long-bearded coach from Fort Hays State University drops his drawers to make some kind of point to his University of Pittsburgh rival.

See it for yourself below, though be warned: There is a lot of profanity, so use caution if at work.

Conclusion: The guy with the beard needs his own sitcom. That dude is hilarious.

The Cross Examination Debate Association is now investigating.

World’s Worst Writing Revealed

JR — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 22:30:08 +0000

A writer from Washington has won the honor of having the world’s worst writing.

The guy, named Garrison Spik, came in first in the annual San Jose State University Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest for bad writing. His entry began with the following passage:

“Theirs was a New York love, a checkered taxi ride burning rubber, and like the city their passion was open 24/7, steam rising from their bodies like slick streets exhaling warm, moist, white breath through manhole covers stamped ‘Forged by DeLaney Bros., Piscataway, N.J.’”

Some other award-winning entries from the competition:

“‘Hmm . . .’ thought Abigail as she gazed languidly from the veranda past the bright white patio to the cerulean sea beyond, where dolphins played and seagulls sang, where splashing surf sounded like the tintinnabulation of a thousand tiny bells, where great gray whales bellowed and the sunlight sparkled off the myriad of sequins on the flyfish’s bow ties, ‘time to get my meds checked.’”

“Mike Hummer had been a private detective so long he could remember Preparation A, his hair reminded everyone of a rat who’d bitten into an electrical cord, but he could still run faster than greased owl snot when he was on a bad guy’s trail, and they said his friskings were a lot like getting a vasectomy at Sears.”

“The hardened detective glanced at his rookie partner and mused that who ever had coined the term ‘white as a sheet’ had never envisioned a bed accessorized with a set of Hazelnut, 500-count Egyptian cotton linens from Ralph Lauren complimented by matching shams and a duvet cover nor the dismembered body of its current occupant.”

The school’s English department has sponsored the event, named after novelist Edward George Earl Bulwer-Lytton, since 1982. You can read many more “dishonorable mentions” at the official contest web site — the same site at which you can nominate us next year.

No related posts.

Introducing the “Odorless Toilet”

JR — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 17:52:20 +0000

A Florida inventor swears he’s found the secret to stopping bathroom-based odors — and it’s all within the toilet.

The guy’s come up with a fan-based system called “the VIP.” It supposedly sucks down smells directly into the sewer. If you think it sounds strange, just wait till you see the video demo:

The guy behind the flushing phenomenon explained his inspiration to a TV station in his hometown. Our favorite quote:

“I decided to go wash up, walked into a bathroom and somebody literally annihilated the bathroom.”

It just goes to show…innovation can come from almost anywhere.

Burger King Serves Up Nudity

JR — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 21:06:10 +0000

Burger King is serving up more than just burgers and fries these days. One location is serving up naked people in soapy sinks.

The fast food chain has fired a worker who bathed in a utility sink — and videotaped it — in Ohio. Here’s the most disturbing part, though: The sink is used to clean the restaurant’s equipment. Would you like some naked guy’s germs with that?

For what it’s worth, the non-employee-of-the-month apparently was taking the dip to celebrate his birthday. He posted the video to his MySpace page, though it’s (thankfully) no longer there.

Have You Seen the Porn Inspector?

JR — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 22:44:15 +0000

Police are trying to track down a self-described “porn inspector.”

The guy’s plan seemed simple enough: He marched into an adult video store in Colorado and told them he was there to check out the x-rated videos and make sure there were no underage performers. He even went as far as to flash a badge and leave a business card stating he was with the “age verification unit” of the local police force.

Mr. Inspector tried to get free videos on three separate occasions, but the store didn’t fall for it. They called the real cops, who are now using surveillance tape to try to find the fella.

The man is described as 5 foot 6 with long black hair and a noticeable stiffy.