Smack-talking Knocked Up actress Katherine Heigl suffered an embarrassing moment on stage at the ShoWest awards when the strap of her dress mutinied and one of her breasts tried to escape.

In the video below, you can see Heigl’s mortifying moment as she suffered what is now known as a “wardrobe malfunction.” Heigl turned to host Billy Bush to request assistance with the wayward frock.

While the result was unintended and certainly not comical for this poor woman, it’s difficult not to picture a boob-crazed surgeon responding like, “you didn’t want four breasts? Should I not have done that?”

47-year-old Maria Alaimo of Staten Island is suing her surgeon, Dr. Keith Berman, for complications including “painful ‘double bubble’ deformities” following a breast augmentation. For an alarmingly low $2,999 plus a $500 “referral fee” in 2003 (less than half of the region’s market rate for breast implant surgery) Alaimo received the procedure she claims has ruined her life:

“(Her breasts) appear flattened on the bottom with severe swells the size of a softball on top.” In court documents, Alaimo claims those disfigurements caused “pain … disability, loss of self-esteem, humiliation and embarrassment.”

Alaimo also claims that the allegedly botched surgery ultimately lead to her divorce, citing intimacy issues following the procedure. Alaimo is suing for $5 million, but an attorney for the doctor says that “there are no guarantees” in plastic surgery:

The doctor’s attorney, Jerry Giardina, said Alaimo should have been more aware of the risks of plastic surgery before she went under the knife. “Plastic surgery is trivialized, but the reality is that plastic surgery is just that—surgery. There are no guarantees. What one person responds to, another does not.”

[Gothamist via Consumerist]

Perhaps you’ve caught replays of the original Showgirls (I cannot believe I just typed that phrase, “the original Showgirls“) on VH1, because apparently no one saw it in the theaters.

In the years since it tanked spectacularly, arguably taking Elizabeth Berkeley’s career into the fiery depths of cinema hell with it, the movie has become a bit of a “so bad it’s good” cult thing- like something you watch at 3:30 in the morning when you’re too drunk to safely make it to the remote and because there’s boobs. And it has Kyle McLachlan, before he started playing neutered men on lady-shows. So there’s that.

Apparently (and I really, really would be surprised if this wasn’t a lame stab at humor) there’s a sequel to Showgirls. No, really, I’m not even kidding. There’s a website, and a full screen trailer, and the absolute most amazingly worst acting and general other movie stuff I’ve ever seen in the history of ever. This makes Boondock Saints look like Schindler’s List, and Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day look like a speech by Winston Churchhill.

The trailer (and I use that word loosely, it actually seems to be a bunch of random three second clips, and is highly NSFW) is below, but you really should get the full-screen experience by going to Showgirls2.com.

While any one with an iPhone regardless of age or sensibility can access the most hardcore of porn via the internet, Apple has been notoriously draconian when it comes to optimizing smut for the iPhone and iPod touch.

“But…” you may object, “the internet is for porn! And devices designed to present the internet to us in other ways should embrace and nourish this natural partnership!” Many would agree. And while there are apps to get you off and apps to tell you just how drunk you can drive, bikini apps have remained a sticking point for Apple when it comes to its precious App Store. Apple sticks to its guns in protecting “the children,” who probably make up a very small share of regular iPhone users.

Philip Schiller, a marketing rep for Apple, spoke to the New York Times about the decision.

“It came to the point where we were getting customer complaints from women who found the content getting too degrading and objectionable, as well as parents who were upset with what their kids were able to see,” Mr. Schiller said.

More frustrating than Apple telling us what we can and cannot see on the devices we pay monthly to use, however, is the double standard when dealing with independent companies who may have invested a lot to bring an app to market versus well known, moneyed companies with iPhone apps. Two popular apps by Playboy and Sports Illustrated show the same content featured in many suddenly banned apps, the key difference being those companies are owned by rich people with swimming pools full of money:

When asked about the Sports Illustrated app, Mr. Schiller said Apple took the source and intent of an app into consideration. “The difference is this is a well-known company with previously published material available broadly in a well-accepted format,” he said.

Hopefully Apple will eventually realize that it is not their place to dictate what you can and cannot do with your iPhone once you bend over and pay them for it, and continue to pay hefty data charges monthly to keep the damn thing running. As a parent myself, I would never expect a massive company to decide what my child can or cannot see, nor do I feel that the world should quit turning until my son is old enough to look at a set of tits on an iPod touch screen. I’ve handled the issue of objectionable content by monitoring what I allow my children to be exposed to and not allowing them unfettered access to the internet or the Disney channel. Parents who believe that this kind of global childproofing is acceptable need to be set straight and quickly, before the future of mobile smut is compromised.

The introduction of a parental control setting could head this entire controversy off at the pass. Or, we could all poke our eyes out with sticks so we don’t see bikini covered boobs on the iPhone. Which option sounds better to you, Apple?

Mardi Gras, Fat Tuesday, Pancake Tuesday, National Pancake Day, Packzi Day or Fastnacht Day?

Depending on your cultural flavor, all are names for the day before Ash Wednesday, when Catholics make motions in the direction of fasting or giving up something for Lent but never actually get around to that part. Google searches are way up for pancakes and packzi, a polish donut of some sort. (In fact, one of the most prolific searches today is for packzi calorie counts, which is totally doing it wrong.) Catholic school alumni like myself may recall today being the only day sweets were allowed in Sister Anthony Therese’s classroom.

New Orleans, a traditionally Catholic city, without argument owns this holiday. What started as a day preparing one for a fast and reflection somehow morphed into the exchange of beads for boobies, and street parties of epic proportions. (New Orleanians are also associated with King Cakes, a tradition wherein the person whose slice contains a trinket has to provide the next cake, which kind of sucks.)

While a lot of the internet seems to be under the impression IHOP is giving out free pancakes today, that doesn’t actually occur until February 23rd. IHOP has full details of the pancake giveaway on their website, but a week from today (February 23rd is also a Tuesday) the pancake chain is giving away a free short stack of pancakes to all customers from 7am until 10pm.

If you’re missing the party down in New Orleans and sad about your pancake jones, you can watch live streaming video of Mardi Gras here. (There might be boobs.) Still not feeling authentically debauched? It’s not too early in the afternoon to whip up a batch of Emeril Lagasse’s Hurricanes. (Somewhat surprised they haven’t renamed those, considering.)

Ingredients

12 ounces light rum
12 ounces dark rum
10 ounces grenadine, or passion fruit syrup
10 ounces fresh orange juice
10 ounces sour mix, or fresh lime juice
3 tablespoons superfine sugar, or more to taste
1 large orange, cut into 1/4-inch thick slices

Directions

Mix all the ingredients in a tall pitcher or large pot and stir to dissolve the sugar. Pour into a punch bowl and add the ice cubes and orange segments. Serve in tall glasses over ice with straws.

Bonus: the picture appears to show two women. Giggity.

[via Gizmodo]

Sadly, it’s not a search result by accident- it’s the name of a book by Vanessa Feltz. (Yes, the book is actually titled What Are These Strawberries Doing on My Nipples, I Need Them for the Fruit Salad.)

Still a funny surprise for Googlers this side of the pond.

Warning: boobies.

WJLA in Washington set off a bit of controversy in a segment yesterday by showing nipples in their entirety on broadcast tee-vee. In the horrifying, seedy context of a breast self-exam. Video below shows the shocking and perverse video, wherein a 28-year-old woman (apparently lacking breasts) shows viewers how to perform a breast self-exam to raise awareness of breast cancer in the final few days of breast cancer awareness month.

WJLA admits that Americans may not yet be ready for breast self exams on TV, but that the content (boobs?) of the clip was valuable. You can watch the clip below, but if you have small children in the house or in adjacent homes, you may want to sedate them or send them to stay with grandparents before viewing.

[via Townhall]

Man, I have the biggest girl crush on Meghan McCain.

McCain has emerged as a voice of reason and progress for the Republican party, a vocal supporter of gay rights and critic of right-wing pundit Ann Coulter. (Who is also kind of awesome.) Meghan has held her own debating with the big boys on Bill Maher’s panel (and rocked it out) and on The Colbert Report. Republicans should grab on to her like the youth-recruiting lifeline she is and not let go.

But McCain drew criticism and harsh words after she posted a picture of herself in a tank top on Twitter, committing the cardinal sin of having a class-A rack and not covering it. The picture, above, is not something that should be shocking to any woman who owns breasts and a tank top, and Meghan really didn’t cross any lines posting it. She looks great, and it’s a shame she felt the need to post a series of apologetic tweets after the fact:

so I took a fun picture not thinking anything about what I was wearing but apparently anything other than a pantsuit I am a slut, this is

why I have been considering deleting my twitter account, what once was fun now just seems like a vessel for harassment

I am going to take some more time to think about it but seriously I was just trying to be funny with the book and that I’m a dork staying in

when I am alone in my apartment, I wear tank tops and sweat pants, I had no idea this makes me a “slut”, I can’t even tell you how hurt I am

ok I am getting the fuck off twitter, promise not to delete my account until I sleep on it, thank you for the nice words supporters

I do want to apologize to anyone that was offended by my twitpic, I have clearly made a huge mistake and am sorry 2 those that are offended.

Meghan’s latest post over at The Daily Beast covers the broader issues of women, appearance, media and society- it’s a good read, and here’s to hoping Meghan comes around and sees the criticism for what it really is and doesn’t quit Twitter. None of us like pantsuits, Meghan, and we need women like you to kill them good and dead for the rest of us. You can never Spanx away big tits and a curvy ass, and whole nation of voluptuous women need you to not apologize for your breasts so we don’t have to apologize for ours. Keep fighting the good fight!

I have a sneaking suspicion men will consider this a win while women will say it’s total fail.

[Wedinator]

Would you like girl on girl action with your coffee?

Five baristas at the Everett Grab n Go coffee drive through in Everett, Washington have been charged with prostitution after offering some “secret menu” options to patrons. In a two month long sting, cops allege that they uncovered instances of employees licking whipped cream off each other, exposing their genitals and groping one another’s breasts and buttocks for as much as $80 in “tips” from customers. Damningly, a detective brought along a city prosecutor, who also witnessed some of the lewd behavior:

An Everett detective took a city prosecutor to the stand to witness firsthand the activities of the baristas. During that visit, two women allegedly engaged in a “whipped cream show,” in which they sprayed whipped cream on each other and licked it off.

On a second visit, a detective was told he couldn’t have a mocha because the stand was out of chocolate. He also was told he couldn’t order a small drink because they only served 20-ounce beverages.

The barista told him that for $20, she and the other barista would give him a show. He paid and they bared their breasts and pulled down their undergarments, police reports said.

The investigation was initiated after more than 40 complaints by local whiners residents that women were flashing patrons at the bikini stands. The women, who were not arrested, range in age from 18 to 24 and are due in court next month.

Tired of boring old boozy alcohol?

Via Gizmodo, a new way to add more tatas to your tipple. The description says it all:

Just fill the breast mold with water, and in two days, you will have two rock hard boobs waiting to be filled with an alcoholic beverage of your choice! You can even spice up your Boob Ice Luge by adding LED Pucks, see below!

Although boobs + booze can only equal win, do you think your tongue could get stuck to it?

Jugs. Hooters. Boobs. Knockers. Bouncing Buddhas. Midget earmuffs. Whatever you call breasts, Ninja Gaiden Sigma 2 has them, and it isn’t coy about reminding us: a couple of months back, I posted about a Japanese advert for the game featuring two breasts jutting from a wall.

Now, with the game due to release later this month in North America and Japan, publisher Tecmo is at it again.

If you didn’t already know, Ninja Gaiden Sigma 2 will allow players to move the polygonal breasts of female characters using the motion-sensing capabilities of the PlayStation 3’s SIXAXIS controller. That’s right: shaking the pad up and down lets you – for no discernible reason – jiggle some motion-controlled breasts.

Yes, it’s a bit perverse and brazen, and it hardly does much to combat well-worn gamer stereotypes, but let’s not be too po-faced: it’s also cheeky and mildly amusing, at least for the first two seconds. This commercial, featuring a bunch of transfixed men, shows off the unique feature:

[Via Destructoid]

Hey… hey! The post is down here!

Rocket Scientists have proven that 47% of men notice a woman’s breasts before all else. A third will check out a woman’s waist and hips (what may be colloquially known as an “ass man”) and fewer than 20% will look at a woman’s face first. (Which stands to reason, they’re not nearly as compelling when you throw a bucket of cold water on them, amirite?)

While scientists believe there may be an evolutionary component to the behavior, they concede it might not be all that scientific either:

‘Men may be looking more often at the breasts because they are simply aesthetically pleasing, regardless of the size,’ they said.

The study gauged where, how long, and how many times men directed their gaze to certain areas of a woman’s body. And breasts were definitely king:

Eighty per cent of first fixations were on the breasts and midriff. Men spent consistently more time looking at the breasts and also made significantly more fixations upon them than other regions.’

It also found that men began to gaze at the ‘components of the hourglass figure’ within 0.2 seconds.

The research also discovered that few glances were directed at the arms, lower legs and feet.

[Via Jezebel]

Glamour readers are fangirling like crazy over “plus size” model Lizzi Miller.

Miller turned heads in the latest issue because of the simple fact that she resembles most readers of the fashion mag. Miller, 20, is a size 12-14 and not even technically “plus sized,” but her curvy shape is still alien to the airbrushed pages even of slightly progressive Glamour magazine.

Grateful readers flooded Glamour with emails, prompting a blog post about “the woman on p. 194″:

The emails were filled with such joy–joy at seeing a woman’s body with all the curves and quirks and rolls found in nature. (Raising a question: With all the six-packs out there, do you even know what a normal belly looks like anymore–other than the one you see in the mirror?)

And of the attention, Lizzi is grateful, too. She says:

“When I read them I got teary-eyed!” she says. “I’ve been that girl, flipping through magazines trying to find just one person who looked a little bit like me. And when I didn’t find it I would start to think there’s something wrong with the way that I looked. When J. Lo and Beyoncé came out and were making curves sexy, I started to accept myself more. It’s funny, but just seeing them look and feel sexy enabled me to do the same.”

So what do you think? Does Lizzi Miller look fantastic or is this lowering standards for stick thinness industrywide?

Honestly, who would be that stupid?

A German company is selling a bikini that dissolves on contact with water, marketing them to jilted men who wish to see former girlfriends embarassed in a pool, beach or reality-show-jacuzzi situation. While the doucheblogger guy set may have hur-hurred about it for a few days, would any woman be so stupid as to accept such a gift from a man whose heart she’s recently shattered? Me, I’d assume the crotch part and the boobly triangles were treated with itching powder, which actually sounds worse- well, worse for me.

Because it’s Sunday, as the suits (or bathing costumes, as our British friends so comically call them) make their way across predictable web channels, women’s activists bloggers are riled at sales of the product. Give your sisters some credit- this will never work on any woman with half a brain. I do see a market for drama queens and women who have a lifelong dream to be on Girls Gone Wild 68 or something. Just remember,honey, it’s all downhill from there…

The suits are priced at 9.99 (in Euros) which I think translates into like, seventy-five American dollars with exchange rates.

[Via: Clint.be- why yes, I do speak fluent bleep bloop.]

Porizkova looked all kinds of hot as she splashed around sans bikini top, and even seemed to get some help from other bathers. While her husband wasn’t as stunning on the beach, he is sixty, after all. And, he’s tapping that.

Anyone who’s scared of forty needs to take a good, long look at these pics. Click through for the uncensored versions.

As the creators of the famously buxom Dead or Alive games, we probably shouldn’t be surprised at Tecmo’s latest marketing effort, for PS3 action title Ninja Gaiden Sigma 2. Like the Dead or Alive series, that title also sports voluptuous breasts by the dozen.

Which, I guess, led spuriously to this campaign. The installation in the video below, set up on a Japanese high street, features two plain white breasts poking out from a wall. As pedestrians pass by, a camera films their responses. There’s generally a lot of confusion, and one businessman even checks to see if anybody is watching before copping a feel. My favorite reaction, however, is the chap at 0:21. He reaches out to grope, only to be swiftly pulled away by his girlfriend.

It’s only at the end of the advert that we find out who’s behind this cheeky sculpture, when the game’s name appears. A pretty, uh, novel approach, if nothing else.

[YouTube, via Destructoid]

Via Celebslam, some sweet scans of Lily Allen showing off her ta-tas. And dressed as a panda. Wait, what?

The pics are scans from the August issue of i-D, and feature Lily topless as a post-apocalyptic Playboy bunny, lolling in a towel on a hotel balcony in a very Bardot-esque way, and then just standing there in a… panda suit.

Is that for furries? Not quite sure, but the rest of the scans are cute and sexy. And as they’re stills, she never wrecks it by opening her big stupid mouth!

Despite the fact the Diablo Cody wrote it, the upcoming flick Jennifer’s Body has one thing going for it- Megan Fox’s boobs.

Stills from the film showed up on the internet over the past few days, reminding people why they went to go see Transformers 2 at all. Below, two of the booblicious pics that are making fanboys drool.

[Source: The Slutty]