We’ve dug deep through the interwebs to find what we’d consider to be the Top 10 affordable bacon products you can buy now that aren’t bacon.

Bacon Flavored Jelly Beans

Description: Its a bacon bonanza! Sixty bacon flavored jelly beans come in each 6-1/2″ x 1-1/2″ x 1″ bacon-shaped tin. Not quite as tasty as real bacon, but better for your arteries.

Overall: reviews are mixed, but the tin these jelly beans come in is promoted as a collectible item!

Cost: $4.99 on Amazon

Mr. Bacon vs. Monsieur Tofu Action Figures

Description:
* It’s a food battle royale! Who will win – meat or tofu? Makes a great gift!
* Mr. Bacon and Monsieur Tofu are fired up and ready to rumble, but only one can remain at the top of the food chain!
* Mr. Bacon stands approximately 6-inches tall and fights for everything salty, greasy and meaty. Monsieur Tofu is approximately 4-inches tall and represents all things made of coagulated soy milk.
* The winner gets eaten for dinner! Each vinyl figure has bendable arms and legs.
* Bring home these snack-tion figures today!

Overall: you can’t make that description up. Fun for the whole family, particularly if you burn the tofu figure in a fire when you’re finished.

Cost: $11.95 on Amazon

Bacon Flavored Toothpicks Lot of 2 Tins

Description:
* These slender sticks of wood are generously flavored with the unparalleled, drool-inducing flavor of bacon
* Each 3″ x 1-1/4″ x 1/2″ tin contains eighty toothpick

Overall: interesting way to finish a meal of bacon.

Cost: 99 cents on Amazon

Bacon Wallet

Description:
Put some hip into your hip pocket with one of these whimsical wallets! Each 4-1/4″ x 3-3/4″ (10.8 cm x 9.5 cm) faux leather wallet has plenty of pockets for your cold hard cash and copious cards.

Overall: the preferable way to put some bacon on your backside. Far better looking than a bank.

Cost: $11.15 at Amazon

Saint Anthony Patron Saint of Bacon

Description: Based on the circumstances surrounding them, some Saints become patrons of people, occupations, places or things. It’s never been easier or more affordable to bring the power of a Patron Saint to your aid. Each 3-3/4″ (9.5 cm) tall, hard vinyl Saint comes with a 3″ (7.6 cm) base and a removable backdrop that includes a Prayer to Assist with the Enjoyment of Quality Bacon. Warning Choking Hazard! Contains small parts, not for children under 3.

Overall: bacon has a patron saint. Praise Murphy, father of beer, for I have sinned and eaten tofu. Save me Saint Anthony so that I may consume thy holy food once more.

Cost: $4.25 at Amazon

Bacon Bandages

Description:
* 3-3/4″ tall reusable metal tin
* Contains 15 bandages
* Includes a FREE toy trinket to take your mind off of the excruciating pain
* While the bandaids are latex-free, the packaging of this product contains natural rubber latex which may cause allergic reactions
* The 3″ x 1″ Bacon Strips are cut to look like small slabs of bacon

Overall: the description is fairly boring, but what better way to mend a cut or scratch than with imitation bacon. Ideal for every first aid kit.

Cost: $2.15 on Amazon

Bacon Air Freshener

Description:
* Bacon Scented Air Freshner
* Love Bacon hang this air freshener anywhere
* Car, home, dorm air freshener

Overall: making a confined space smell like bacon where no real bacon is present may be considered torture under various UN human rights conventions.

Price: $1.25 on Amazon

Bacon Flavor Dental Floss

Description: Dentists recommend flossing and we recommend bacon! Now you can improving your dental hygiene while enjoying the amazing flavor of crispy fried bacon. Is there anything bacon cant improve? Each plastic dispenser contains 27.3 yards of waxed floss.

Overall: dentists are right.

Cost: $3.99

Raw Bacon Weave Cardholder

Description: Flash this very unique RAW Bacon Weave Card holder and instantly make alliances with other bacon fanatics … Makes a great “going out” wallet , simple design carrys the essentials: business cards, credit cards, and ID’s. Measures 2.75″ x 4″ when closed, with two clear pockets inside. Handmade in Los Angeles.

Overall: you’d go for the bacon wallet, although this one looks a little cooler.

Price: $11 on Amazon

And our favorite bacon product that isn’t bacon is

Bacon Salt

Description: there isn’t one because it’s just so awesome.

Overall: see our Bacon Salt review here. The real taste of bacon, without the calories.

Price: $13 for a 16-Ounce Bottle on Amazon

Honorable mention: Bacon and Eggs Adult Costume

You live the bacon lifestyle, but now you can actually BE BACON. $49.99 for the set on Amazon.

Top 10 affordable bacon products you can buy that aren’t bacon is a post from: The Inquisitr

Just when you think you’ve seen every weird get fit with little or no work product, one comes out of left field that is so bizarre, it has you spinning…or to be precise, your rear spinning in circles.

The Hawaii Chair, also known as the Hulu Chair depending on the manufacturer, claims to give you a workout in the office by rotating your rear hulu fashion while you’re working at your desk.

While it may work effectively on your abs, it’s the way its promoted that earns it a WTF tag. Yes, you are seated while you work out, but can you really be working effectively while your rear is being thrown around a chair?

If you absolutely must, you can buy them on Amazon here or eBay here. Here’s the demo video:

Exercise equipment hits new levels of WTF: the Hawaii Chair is a post from: The Inquisitr

On the move and don’t want to be dragging your beer along in a bag? Finally there is an answer.

The Beer Belt allows you take your beer with you without having to carry it. This sturdy belt features 6 plastic beer holders that will happily take bottles or cans.

You still have to use your hands to drink the beer, but at least your hands will be free from carrying the beer you haven’t drunk yet

$15.99 at Amazon

What every man needs: a beer belt is a post from: The Inquisitr

Introducing the Guardian Angel, a vibrator shaped tool that promises the world, including organ regeneration.

No, we’re not making the last part up, as it appears that the quacks are invading Amazon. Here’s the full list of claimed miracles:

* Eliminate Chronic Pain!
* STIMULATES 344 POINTS OF PRESSURE IN THE HAND.
* produces the same benefits of traditional acupuncture without a costly visit to the Dr. or the use of needles.
* RELIEVES FATIGUE, STRESS, INSOMNIA,
* PROMOTES ORGAN REGENERATION
There’s quite a few golden reviews, but this is my favorite:

Since losing my spleen in a shocking harpsichord-related accident, I have been searching for a product that would re-generate my lost organ.

Imagine my delight when I stumbled upon the Guardian Angel supplied by the world-famous Dr Yoo. Tears of joy ran down my face when I read in the Product Features that it would also relieve stress, fatigue and insomnia – all conditions suffered by the spleen-less.

So why only four stars? Well, it gets good marks for stimulating every single one of my hands 344 pressure points – yes, I have counted – and for being gold-plated.

You can read the rest here

Best of Amazon: Guardian Angel fails to regenerate organs is a post from: The Inquisitr

The whole idea that you’d dress your kid like this is a bit disturbing to start with, but the review is solid.

Child Pimp Costume

H. Mahmoud “scarlettm512″

While the costume is well made and the wad of cash adds a nice, realistic touch, this costume doesn’t really have much of an impact unless you have other kids (friends, siblings) with you. You need a minimum of two hos, preferably female — but a transvestite works as well, before most adults will get be able to recognize the look you are going for. To put you over the top, have the hos put vaseline in their hair to simulate that “I haven’t showered in weeks look”. Heavy black eyeliner (smudged, of course), “black” eye and busted lip really bring home the message that you are one tough pimp. Extra bonus points for needle track marks and the pimp can lure his hos with immitation crack cocaine (needle and spoon optional depending upon the age of the pimp).

Don’t forget to have the kids say “you aren’t a cop are you?” instead of “Trick or Treat” and I guarantee your kids will have the most talked about costumes in the entire neighborhood!

Best of Amazon: Child Pimp Costume is a post from: The Inquisitr

This stuff will clean the dankiest, grodiest, resiniest, stinkiest, stickyiest, grossest, nastiest smoking device you can throw at it, and make it look brand spanking new, in just a few minutes, with very minimal effort.

Once you are done, simply put the magic blue juice and sand back into the original bottle and use again and again. Of course, in the state of mind you will probably be in when using this product, you may spill half of this wonder juice down your sink, but it’s cool man… it smells like Orange Julius! No joke, this is one of the best smelling liquids you will ever find.

How does it work? No idea. Maybe its NanoParticles. Maybe it harnesses the power of sun spots. It’s possible it opens a wormhole that takes Wesley Pipes back to the day you bought it. Probably though, it’s some very strong alcohol and gritty sand, but whatever, it’s fun to dream.

I don’t know where monkeys come from, I don’t know what they eat, I don’t know how monkeys reproduce, but I do know one thing… wait, what?

I think he missed the part about not inhaling it.

Best of Amazon: Pipe Cleaners, Nanoparticles and Monkeys is a post from: The Inquisitr

Our latest best of Amazon Review comes from Edward Hurst, who claims that Richard Dawkins’ The Ancestor’s Tale: A Pilgrimage to the Dawn of Evolution is wrong on a number of grounds.

This is a detailed and meticulous description of evolution and the history of biological life. Of its type, this is one of the most comprehensive and readable accounts available. Unfortunately Dawkins is operating entirely within the wrong paradigm!

Creation may be contradicted by facts, but facts don’t necessarily add up to truth. Evolution itself is flawed on several counts, for example it cannot explain:

1) Why heavy fish, like whales, don’t just sink to the bottom of the ocean
2) Why most trees are so much taller than necessary
3) How non-biological animals, like crocodiles and ostriches, came into existence
4) Why sharks haven’t grown legs, moved onto land and taken over the world
5) The existence of invisible species that remain undiscovered

So go ahead and read Dawkins’ lucid prose in ‘The Ancestor’s Tale’ – but remember there are some occasions when facts are wrong.

Clearly Dawkins’ doesn’t deal with invisible species, so he must be wrong

Best of Amazon: Creationist on Dawkins Book is a post from: The Inquisitr