Richard Belzer, known for his role as Detective John Munch on Law and Order: Special Victims Unit, is denying media reports that he behaved aggressively and allegedly assaulted an employee at a Manhattan Apple Store.

Belzer says he touched Apple employee Milan Agnew’s shoulder, but denies that he grabbed or shook her and says the claims are a ploy for attention. He also claims that he does not want the employee disciplined:

“She wanted attention and she knew who I was and I clearly didn’t assault her,” Belzer said. “It’s surprising that Apple would not apologize to such a high-profile, good customer. I’ve spent thousands of dollars there. I don’t want her to be fired, I just want her to seek help.”

Agnew, 21, told NYPD officers that Belzer attacked her in the store after a long wait for assistance. She denies claims that the actor’s status motivated her:

“I’m not star struck by anyone,” Agnew said. “I approached him like he was a regular customer. I asked how can I help you. He told me what he needed, and then before I was able to speak again, he lunges in and grabs my neck. It was no gentle manner. There is no gentle manner to grab someone’s neck.”

Agnew filed a harassment claim. Charges weren’t filed, but she may pursue the matter in a civil courtroom.

Some lucky people might get something slightly better than a Creme Egg in their Easter baskets this year- Apple has confirmed an in-store pickup date of April 3rd for the highly anticipated “magical and revolutionary” iPad. (Wi-fi models only.)

Wi-fi and 3G models have a later release date toward the “end of April,” and Apple will begin taking pre-orders for iPads on March 12th. The rest of the world, including Australia, Canada, France, Germany, Italy, Japan, Spain, Switzerland and the UK will have to wait until the end of April for their iPads, both Wi-fi and 3G.

US pricing is as follows:

iPad will be available in Wi-Fi models on April 3 in the US for a suggested retail price of $499 for 16GB, $599 for 32GB, $699 for 64GB. The Wi-Fi + 3G models will be available in late April for a suggested retail price of $629 for 16GB, $729 for 32GB and $829 for 64GB.

Commenters: are you going to be first on the list for the Easter iPads, or do you want to wait and see how the first buyers react?

[via Mashable]

Does anyone else feel like they’ve been reading fanfiction on the iPad since the summer and now we’ve gotten the book canon and don’t know what to make of it?

I’ll admit it up front- I’m a reluctant ex-switcher. I needed more power than my dinky yet beloved iBook could provide and got a Dell last March. My life has been hellacious since. In addition to pieces beginning to fall off the thing almost immediately, it’s slow, ugly and doesn’t charge. My iBook had problems exactly twice- once when my ex stompled on it while I slept and once when my daughter accidentally pitched it onto a concrete floor. Part of why Apple has such a loyal fanbase is that their products suck way less than the competition. If I were a dude, I’d rather clap my dick shut in this very laptop than ever purchase another Dell. But enough about how Dell blows.

So, the iPad. Let’s get the collective giggling out of the way. Ha ha ha iTampon ha ha. Kotex hurr. Off the bat it’s a ridicucrunkulous name, and although it’s in line with the iPod line of MP3 domination, it sucks on its own. For a long time, women will not be able to parse the new Apple tablet from an aesthetically pleasing white cord emanating from their hoo-has. Silly Apple. Now on to the specs, and I shall partially be cribbing off of James from earlier, thanks dude.

Price

Okay, so this was a shocker- while most priced the iPad speculatively at between 800-1200 clams, some as high as 1800, the actual product came in at the unJobsworthy price of $499 to start, $829 at the high end. The entry level iPad’s rocking an unimpressive 16GB of memory, with 64GB on the high end. I anticipate this will be the most, if not one of the most, talked about aspects of the JesusSlate.

No camera

Not for shooting, not for webcam sex, this baby’s totally blind on the cam front. Bummer.

Accelerometer & digital compass

I have no idea what the first one is, and no idea what the point is with the second.

Speaker & microphone

…for ugly people who want to have remote sex. Isn’t technology fabulous?

Size and battery life

9.7-inch display, half an inch thick. 10 hours of use with a month of standby.

Arsenic, BFR, PVC and Mercury Free

Like you all give a frick. You know you’d have bought it even if every time you checked your e-mail a baby seal died and the device tore a hole in the ozone layer, you great big bunch of slacktivists.

How do I get to the internet on it?

Wi-fi and a 3g package at $29.99 a month for “unlimited usage.” Oh, plus 3G models will run you an extra $130 to start, on top of the price of your tablet. So, if you wanna run 3G on your iPad in year one alone it will cost you at least $490. Burn.

Watch out Amazon

It looks like Apple’s ready to crack the e-publishing industry wide open, like it sort of did by getting everyone to start paying for music again sometimes with iTunes. Let’s face it, while I dig the Kindle app for iPhone, the efforts with magazines and newspapers have been anemic at best, and it seems like Apple might be setting up shop in that underserved market. Instead of a boring old list, the iPad will present your books on a picture of a wooden shelf, which might warrant the $499 price tag all by its lonesome. I’d like to check out the iBooks app in depth before I pee all over it or declare it better than Jack White sex.

Overall, it’s unlocked (screw you, AT&T!), cheap for what it is, and Apple made it. While the critiques are coming fast and furious right now, I think this thing is going to find its niche immediately and dig in with claws. No one owns one yet, so we’ll have to make do with the clip below to give it a once over before the overnight lining up at the Apple store begins.

Video, via Mashable:

Is the Carrousel du Louvre getting a Wok n’ Roll and Spencer Gifts, too?

A month after McDonald’s announced plans to besmirch the Carrousel du Louvre, the “upscale shopping mall” became home to France’s first Apple Store. Much like a chubby bunch of yanks outside a Walmart on Black Friday, throngs of French shoppers lined up outside the Louvre’s Apple Store, and just like when they’re obstructing Starbucks in SoHo and congregating en masse at the Broadway/Lafayette subway station, French people still have those big obnoxious backpacks when they’re still in France. Who knew?

Video below shows the hordes of French people waiting, the red-shirt-clad Apple Geniuses running into the store and high-fiving customers like a winning baseball team, and the massive crowd counting down (en Francais!) to the Apple Store’s grand opening fete. Interestingly, the store in Montpelier was ready to open first but waited in deference to the Parisian flagship.

Le Target can’t be far behind.

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Apparently, Facebook surfing was eating up too much computer time in Apple Stores. It’s a similar situation to the MySpace ban imposed at Apple Stores back in 2007. At that time, Apple explained the decision with the following statement:

“Nearly 2 million people visit Apple stores every week. We want to provide everyone a chance to test-drive a Mac, so we are no longer offering access to MySpace in our stores.”

Apple Store employees said customers would loiter “for hours” while using the social networking site.

It’s interesting that it took nearly two years for Facebook to become a big enough problem to warrant the same action. The latest stats from HitWise might offer some explanation: From January of 2008 to January of 2009, Facebook’s total market share within social networks doubled, shooting from 15 percent to 31 percent. MySpace, in the meantime, shrunk from 73 percent in ‘08 to 57 percent in ‘09.

The question, then, is what site will get the next Apple Store ban. Any predictions?