Ah Valentine’s Day, the second greatest marketing achievement of mankind and the one single day of the year, surpassing even Christmas, when a man is socially forced into selling his soul for a few baubles to give to his loved one of the minute.

Call me a pessimist is you want but the idea of going into hock to buy some pretty ring, necklace, or a dozen long stem roses is just silly, not to mention being an inordinately expensive way to get lucky one night of the year.

However, this Rube Goldberg offering from David Dvir and Kevin Luc is just all kinds of fun and should get you some major brownie points for your incredible talent, and humor.

If that fails I guess you can always fall back on the dozen long stem roses.

via BuzzFeed

Amaze her with this great Valentine’s Day evening courtesy of Rube Goldberg [Video] is a post from: The Inquisitr

Community’s Dean Pelton might actually be a better Mr. Clean then the cleaning icon himself. Then again he’s quite a bit more relevant.

Community’s Dean Pelton Endorses A Famous Cleaning Product [Parody Ad] is a post from: The Inquisitr

Moving a Pic in MS Word [Graph] is a post from: The Inquisitr

Okay, maybe it’s not perjury, but this Facebook update has to be some kind of illegal.

Facebook Perjury is a post from: The Inquisitr

Yesterday, we posted about the story making parenting headlines consistently across the world, with the headline “dad shoots laptop!”

I consider myself a fairly enlightened parent. We shop at Trader Joe’s, we vote democrat, bedtimes are not heavily enforced, and I generally try really hard to say “yes” whenever possible. My kids are not angels, nor have they yet done a stint in juvie- a crack I hope I don’t regret one day. But I watched the “dad shoots laptop” clip before I read many of the comments so rife about it across the web, and as a liberal blue-stater, I have to say, what is the big deal here?

If you missed it, a man in a Stetson named Tommy Jordan came across a profanity-laden post from his daughter on Facebook complaining that she was expected to fetch coffee, make her bed and clean the counters. This was on the same day Mr. Jordan spent six hours and $130 installing updates on the girl’s laptop, updates for which she was apparently not very grateful. So, when he logged in to Facebook as the family dog and saw the post that was privacy blocked from family and church, he was naturally displeased at his daughter’s lack of appreciation. So he shot her laptop, and told her she had to pay for the bullets.

I’ve seen a lot of hand-wringing about “implicit violence,” “public humiliation” and other broad sweeping judgments about how this man must be a control freak and a tyrant because he had the nerve to permanently take away his kid’s laptop. But in the (lengthy yet compelling) clip, the father also speaks quietly, without obvious anger and with measured responses. But he used a gun.

So what? This is America, and last time I checked citizens were able to obtain and use guns. He’s not brandishing the gun at her. The threat is clearly not “next time I’m going to shoot a person.” It’s a gun, not a nuclear warhead. When did we get so squeamish? Perhaps in England and France the sight of a gun is a big deal, but guns are a large (and legal) part of American culture.

Which leads me to his daughter’s Facebook post. Was anyone else open-mouthed in shock that a teenager expected to get away with such language aimed at her parents? Is it child abuse now to expect a kid to contribute to the running of the household and make a cup of coffee every once in a while? I can tell you if I said those types of things to my parents, I might not be sitting here typing this post today.

So while the methods used by this dad may have been unorthodox, is it so shocking nowadays to expect a modicum of respect while under your parents’ roof? To this day, I profusely thank my mother and father when they give me something or do something for me- does anyone else feel like this kid’s dad is doing her a favor by enforcing some consequences so when she gets out in the world she realizes that sometimes you’ve gotta bite your lip and do things you don’t want to do with no back talk? Were you horrified by the “dad shoots laptop” clip, or would you buy this man a beer?

Dad Shoots Laptop, Get This Man a Cigarette and a Scotch! is a post from: The Inquisitr

“Everyday” is an app for the iPhone that makes it easy for people to take a picture of themselves everyday. The app is typically used to track slow changes as a person ages, grows their hair out, or loses weight. Alan started using the app  to simply capture a photo of himself everyday, and then he got into a bar fight.

William Wilkinson, the creator of the App, describes “Everday” by saying:

“Take a picture of yourself. Every day. Set reminders. Get into the habit. The more pictures you have, the better your Everyday app will be. Make a movie. You’d be surprised how great the effect of a time lapse video of your face can be. Watch yourself change, just like a real person.”

The first 8 seconds of the video show Alan in various outfits and in various locations. The video is just like thousands of others that were created with the “Everyday” app. But then at the nine second mark, Alan is shown with a black eye and a deep cut across his face.

The rest of the video shows his face as he slowly recovers from the bar fight.

Alan describe the video on Youtube:

“Man takes photo of his face everyday then suffers an assault with a glass. Following plastic surgey, the video tracks the progression of his healing… With regard to the assault, it was unprovoked. Case of mistaken identity.”

Here’s the video. (Caution: The video is a little graphic around the 9 second mark.)

Picture A Day Project Captures Results of Bar Fight [Video] is a post from: The Inquisitr

Also makes sitting on the couch watching Buffy reruns with a can of frosting feel good, makes running feel bad.

Scumbag DNA is a post from: The Inquisitr

Tommy Jordan has a 15-year-old daughter who doesn’t do her chores. Tommy Jordan also has a 15-year-old daughter who has a laptop full of bullet holes.

The North Carolina father decided to teach his daughter a lesson for posting a curse filled rant on Facebook. In the Facebook note, the girls says:

“To my parents, I’m not your damn slave. It’s not my responsibility to clean up your shit. We have a cleaning lady for a reason.”

The note continues to berate her parents for being lazy and for treating her like a slave. Well, Jordan wasn’t too happy about that. He explains that he had just spent the day updating his daughter’s computer and that the girl’s chores are pretty simple. She’s expected to sweep if the house needs to be swept. Wipe down the counters if they need to be wiped down. Do her laundry if she has laundry. And make her bed if it has to be made.

Doesn’t seem too unreasonable.

Jordan said that he threatened to take the laptop away if she continued to act up. Well, Jordan is a man of his word. He fired round after round into the girl’s laptop and posted the video on Facebook.

Jordan said:

“Just for the record, whenever you’re not grounded, whatever year that happens to be, you can have a new laptop when you buy a new laptop…. Hope you’ve enjoyed your little fiasco on Facebook, hope it was worth all this.”

Here’s the video of the Jordan shooting his daughter’s laptop.

The incident has drawn mixed reactions. Some people are calling Jordan a hero while others say he overreacted.

What do you think? Did the punishment fit the crime? Do you think his daughter learned her lesson?

Dad Shoots Laptop, Outrages Teens, Inspires Parents Across the Internet [Video] is a post from: The Inquisitr

Finally, someone, somewhere has devised a way to make duck face even remotely amusing.

Facebook Duck Hunting is a post from: The Inquisitr

Only one of the many, many awful things about the entire Twilight horror.

Scumbag Edward Cullen is a post from: The Inquisitr

My daughter saw this and said she won’t have any bad dreams anymore!

How We All Stay Safe! is a post from: The Inquisitr

I don’t know about you, but I want to be this girl’s dad when I grow up.

Facebooking Dad Win is a post from: The Inquisitr

After puzzling people Pennsylvania for a few days, the purple squirrel has been released back into the wilderness. The strange creature, and internet celebrity, was captured last week by Percy and Connie Elmert.

Connie said:

“I kept telling my husband I saw a purple one out in the yard. ‘Oh sure you did’ he kept telling me. Well, he checked the trap around noon on Sunday and sure enough, there it was.”

Percy and Connie kept the purple squirrel for a few days so other people could come and observe the peculiar critter. The couple also set up a Twitter and Facebook page. But after a few days of living with an internet celebrity, the Pennsylvania couple decided it was time to let the purple squirrel return to the wild.

The Huffington Post reports that this isn’t the only purple squirrel on record. A similar critter was found in 2008 in England.

Chris Packham, a wildlife expert, said at the time:

“I have never seen anything like it before. Squirrels will chew anything even if it’s obviously inedible. It is possible he has been chewing on a purple ink cartridge and then groomed that coloring into his fur.”

But the Pennsylvania purple squirrel’s coloring problem may not have been the result of an errant ink cartridge.  Krish Pillai, a professor at Lock Haven University of Pennsylvania, believes that the coloring may have been caused bromide laced frack water. Pillai told AccuWeather:

“This is not good at all. That color looks very much like Tyrian purple. It is a natural organobromide compound seen in molluscs and rarely found in land animals. The squirrel has too much bromide in its system possibly from all the bromide laced frack water it’s been drinking. I would raise the alarm. This could mean bladder cancer for humans down the road.”

Do you think the purple squirrel ate some ink? Or is this a sign of something worse?

Here are some more photos of the purple squirrel.

Purple Squirrel Puzzling People in Pennsylvania Gets Released Back Into the Wild is a post from: The Inquisitr

The sentiment is funny, but does anyone else really want to know the background story to this pic?

Darth Vader on Fatherhood is a post from: The Inquisitr

Shocking news from Siberia. The woolly mammoth is not extinct. A government engineer captured a massive woolly mammoth taking a stroll through a river in Siberia. Of course, several people are calling the video a hoax.

LiveScience reports that there are two things that are a little fishy about the woolly mammoth video. First, it was posted by paranormal enthusiast Michael Cohen, and the video is only 10 seconds long. According to Live Science, no one would stop filming a woolly mammoth after just 10 seconds.

The video may also be a fake because, you know, the woolly mammoth went extinct thousands of years ago.

So what is the creature in the video? Some speculate that the woolly mammoth may have been digitally inserted. Others believe that the creature may be a large bear holding a big fish in its mouth.

Derek Serra, a Hollywood video-effects artist, believes that the video is a fake because of the out of focus image. Serra said:

“Even low-resolution cameras can focus fairly well on something. But there’s really nothing in this video in focus. The rocks in the foreground have a blur to them that doesn’t seem natural.”

Serra believes that the photographer filmed a large animal in the river and then decided to add some post-production touches to make it look like a blurry mammoth.

Here’s the video of the woolly mammoth.

What do you think? Is this a woolly mammoth? Probably not. But you might be able to see a real life mammoth in the near future. A group of scientists expect to clone a woolly mammoth in the next five years. 

Woolly Mammoth Captured on Film in Siberia [Video] is a post from: The Inquisitr

Okay I’m not sure how well your hopeful betrothed would feel about you popping the big question on Valentine’s Day with Pizza Hut in tow, although I’m sure the ring would help mitigate the WTF look on her face.

I have to admit though as an old special events manager that the idea of catering a Valentine’s Day engagement party with a pretty ritzy package courtesy of Pizza Hut is a fun one. I mean come on it might be costing you a cool Ten Grand but look what you get for your money:

• Limo Service
• Fireworks show
• Flowers
• A Photographer
• A Videographer
• and – get ready – a $10 Pizza Hut dinner box
• But of course the big prize out of the deal is the ruby ring that you can slide on your love one’s finger

Now there are only ten of these packages available so you might want to get heading over to the Pizza Hut site and start applying. Oh, and they say that should you not use the package by March 31, 2012 Pizza Hut will refund the full amount just in case you get a No instead of the Yes you were hoping for.

via Geekosystem

The ultimate Valentine’s Day engagement party courtesy of Pizza Hut. Value: $10,010 is a post from: The Inquisitr

Not Sure If, Occupy Edition is a post from: The Inquisitr

Well, it makes sense. If you lived 80 plus years, you probably tire of giving this speech. Still, plus one internets, Grandpa!

Coolest Grandpa’s Coolest Business Card is a post from: The Inquisitr

Of course fake dog poop has been around since before I was even born (hey, no smart-ass cracks there bub) but even though their ads could be found on the back of things like comic books or on the shelves of some five and dime joke store no-one really asked the hard question – just who makes this crap?

Well in the case of fake dog poop there is one company down in Texas that goes by the name of Brown Fido, ya that’s right, Brown Fido; and not only do they have a promotional video up on YouTube – see below – but they have also come out with a special promotion for this year’s Valentine’s Day.

Of course I’m not so sure that you loved one’s will appreciate getting a pile of dog poop even if it does spell out “I (heart shape) U“, but should you feel inclined to put your life on the line head on over to their page and order yourself up some dog poop for Valentine’s Day.

via Laughing Squid

Yes Martha, there is indeed a company that makes and sells fake dog poop [Video] is a post from: The Inquisitr

Sometimes, keeping it simple just doesn’t work, and you have to go all gaslight on that shit.

[Source unknown]

How to Break Up Around Valentine’s Day is a post from: The Inquisitr