Flying Spider Webs In Dallas Exist, Are Terrifying

You know what? Forget everything about flying spider webs being a real thing, we are so not accepting this reality.

Unfortunately for Texas, whether we admit it or not, flying spider webs are sweeping the city of Dallas. And by sweeping, we mean “actually, pervasively flying around, getting stuck in your hair when you go places.”

You know that thing where you walk outside at night and suddenly your face is covered in spider webs? It’s like that, except for instead of it being like one time in late August, it’s all the time. Everywhere in Dallas.

While Texas prides itself on gun laws, sidearms aren’t going to help when a flying spider web flies into your face outside Starbucks. And scientists say that the ambient spider webs are just a fact of life and part of nature, evolved to ruin your day because baby spiders are not stupid and need to survive, too.

Dallas Zoo invertebrate keeper Tim Brys confirmed the horrifying reality of flying spider webs in Dallas, explaining why such a thing might happen and how a kind God could allow such a circumstance to continue:

“Often, in the fall you have baby spiders of various species that, something triggers them to hatch and then, directly after hatching, they’ll spread a long silk line out behind their abdomen. The wind catches that and lifts them into the air like a balloon.”

Brys adds:

“The process is actually called ‘ballooning’ and it helps spread them out… It helps cut down on competition because they’re being spread to different areas.”

So ballooning is a yearly thing — but Brys admits more flying spider webs than ever before are plaguing Dallas for reasons unknown:

“It happens every year, pretty much, but we normally don’t notice it as much as we have this year… What I’ve been told is the weather conditions have caused the ballooning spiders to not be able to balloon as far or as well, and that their lines are probably getting tangled up as they’re blowing.”

Brys said flying spider webs are “nothing to worry about,” since a ton of baby spiders hitting you square in the face all the time is apparently a totally tolerable circumstance to some people. Sweet dreams, Dallas! May we suggest an investment in ski masks and blowtorches?