Yale University And The Great Squirrel Genocide Of 2013

Yale University apparently hunted down and ruthlessly murdered every single squirrel that carelessly wanders on campus “Red Wedding style” over the summer.

It sounds kind of crazy, and honestly, it may well be. A distressed and concerned Yale University student (who wishes to remain anonymous) sent Gawker an email detailing the dramatic reduction in the squirrel population on campus since spring. Said anonymous student believes that Yale officials paid squirrel bounty hunters to come in over the summer and cleanse the campus.

“I’d like to remain anonymous, but I also want to let you know about something going on at Yale. It appears that the administration paid to have all the squirrels on campus killed over the summer.

“There are no squirrels left at Yale.

“As students have begun to realize the genocide that has taken place, they are rising up, enraged and disgusted. Numerous student publications are racing to uncover the scandal, but so far there has been no official statement. Continued fury and uprising is expected.”

Gawker checked with Yale’s Facilities staff as well as New Haven’s Parks Department, but both denied any knowledge of such a squirrel genocide. Likely story.

Of course, there’s no way to know whether the email is from an actual Yale student (Gawker doesn’t specify), and MSN has chalked the email up to probable trolling.

One commenter, who claims to be an administrator of a prestigious school (but not Yale), said that it’s doubtful that even an Ivy League school has the time or budget “for mass execution of squirrels.”

One rebutted that it’s possible, since such schools aren’t exactly hurting for cash. They aren’t, the administrator said, precisely because they don’t throw money away on stupid things.

“Grounds and maintenance funds are always the most directly slashed during an economic downturn,” the commenter said. “Even if Yale does have a larger budget per square acre it’s incredibly unlikely that squirrel genocide would be thought of as good use of the budget.”

Anyone at Yale University care to sound off on the alleged squirrel genocide in the comments below?

[Image: Shutterstock]