Amazon Reviews: Best Of The Funniest

Amazon reviews run the gamut from helpful to hilarious. Here are some of the funniest to hit the online marketplace.

One of the best tools you can use when you go on Amazon to do your online shopping is the reviews. You can often use them to get a grasp of the good, the bad, and the downright terrible when it comes to narrowing down your selection. The good ones are usually the ones written in complete sentences with the grammar mostly intact, while the useless ones are just opinions with nothing to back them up.

However, some comedians, even unknowingly, have left reviews that make us look twice, thinking, “Did I read that right?” Star Trek alumni Goerge Takei intentionally left an amusing story in his review concerning a bouncing blow-up human-sized hamster ball, but chances are you already checked it out.

Here are some of the less intentional funny Amazon reviews:

There is a T-shirt with wolves howling at the moon, and a reviewer claims that they have the exact same tattoo on their chest, but the shirt is useful in colder weather.

Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs (hardcover children’s book) – “Maybe this book belongs to a different time and place. The illustrations are great but I wouldn’t recommend it for a child being raised as a vegan. The underlying premise perpetuates carnism” This gem comes from a one-star reviewer we shall simply name Sam.

A Women’s wave rider shoe was given the following review:

“I tried on a pair at the local mall and suddenly Texas Republicans started telling me what to do with my genitals. They started explaining reproduction to me like I was a seventh grader. Unfortunately, being male, I had no way to shut the whole thing down. I’m so confused…”

Some BIC ball point pens were given some very interesting Amazon reviews –

“Someone has answered my gentle prayers and FINALLY designed a pen that I can use all month long! I use it when I’m swimming, riding a horse, walking on the beach and doing yoga. It’s comfortable, leak-proof, non-slip and it makes me feel so feminine and pretty! Since I’ve begun using these pens, men have found me more attractive and [approachable]. It has given me soft skin and manageable hair and it has really given me the self-esteem I needed to start a book club and flirt with the bag-boy at my local market. My drawings of kittens and ponies have improved, and now that I’m writing my last name hyphenated with the Robert Pattinson’s last name, I really believe he may some day marry me! I’m positively giddy. Those smart men in marketing have come up with a pen that my lady parts can really identify with. Where has this pen been all my life???”

We aren’t exactly sure what she was doing with the pens, but that was certainly a funny review. Other reviews for the same pens stated that they couldn’t find the switch to turn it on, and that calling it a ball pen was confusing.

Check out some more funny Amazon reviews on the Brain Pickings blog.

What do you think of these unintentionally hilarious Amazon reviews?