Bad movie sequels are inevitable, but we should be learning to just stop while we’re ahead. Here are ten films that prove we should have done that already.
Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen – You almost can’t make a list of bad sequels these days without listing what should have been Michael Bay’s coup de gras, the movie so bad Michael Bay actually apologized. From an opening scene of Optimus Prime transforming about two times too many in the same scene for no real reason, to sex jokes, to characters that were not only created purely in racism but also served absolutely no purpose at all, Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen should have just fallen and not gotten up. To its credit, it gave us the best Devastator we’ve ever seen.
Tomb Raider: The Cradle Of Life – The sequel to one of the three most successful video game based movies of all time should have been over in half an hour. The story apparently stated that the map and Pandora’s Box were buried in the same place. So why did they find the map deep under the sea while the fabled relic was hidden in the heart of Africa? Did the director even read the script? Did the screenwriter even read the script?
Mortal Kombat: Annihilation – The first Mortal Kombat was decent, even if it did blatantly rip off the plot of Bruce Lee’s Enter The Dragon. It even teased a sequel … which never should have been made. This bad movie sequel was so terrible that only two of the original cast returned, and half of the time we weren’t sure if we were watching a fight scene or some kind of Goth ballet. It was so bad that Brian Thompson had a major role.
Resident Evil: Afterlife – Resident Evil was a lucky series, but that luck ran out when the series tried to go 3D. Suddenly the film was so full of pointless scenes shot only for the 3D effect that it seemed to throw out all logic. If there is any doubt as to the stupidity of this bad movie sequel, just remember that there is a helicopter crash that made absolutely no difference whatsoever to the story, even though the slow motion effect was used to make sure we noticed it. Also a basketball player grabbed a plane and kept it from dropping off a building. Think about that even logically and you’ll probably develop a twitch.
Batman & Robin – Three words: Bat credit card. If that doesn’t show you how ridiculously stupid this movie was, then we dare you to go on YouTube and search for “batman and robin mr freeze,” or just see the compilation below. This film was so bad, the best acting in the whole shebang came from a supermodel. Yes, Elle Macpherson gave the best performance out of everyone in the film.
Star Wars Episode Two: Attack Of The Clones – We were willing to forgive George Lucas for the casting of racist aliens, and for making Darth Vader such a happy-go-lucky child. We even put up with JarJar Binks. Episode Two was even worse. It was a Star Wars romance movie, and it gave us the most awkward chemistry in the galaxy (far, far away) when it cast Hayden Christensen to play a brooding teenager. Even seeing Samuel L. Jackson with a lightsaber wasn’t enough to make you want to see it twice. Thankfully Episode Three was much better.
The Hangover Part 2 – The first one was somewhat clever, even if it is one of those one-time comedies. By that, we mean you don’t really need to see it twice or it will ruin almost everything funny about it. The sequel was the same thing all over again, just in Tokyo, and then again in Las Vegas. Yup, they made you see this bad movie sequel twice just out of morbid curiosity.
Terminator 4: Salvation – Terminator 3 was forgivable just for the idea that it tried to introduce a new female Terminator, and it was entertaining on the most part. The fourth one was basically a dull war movie with Terminators thrown in. I slept through half of it and barely felt like I missed anything important. It was so bad that Arnold Schwarzenegger only showed up as a CG robot that didn’t say anything. Yes, the man who played Mr. Freeze in Batman And Robin probably just sat this one out because it was so boring and pointless.
Alien: Resurrection – This was apparently the movie that two of today’s biggest movie personalities learned from. Joss Whedon (The Avengers) wrote it, and Guillermo del Toro (Pacific Rim) directed it. The story involved not-really Ripley having a maternal instinct toward the Aliens. If you want to know how stupid it is, not-really-Ripley proves her dominance over the crew by beating them at basketball. You read that right. Thankfully, Joss Whedon and Guillermo del Toro learned from this bad movie sequel.
Spider-Man 3 – Sam Raimi can only be blamed for part of why this movie was so bad. It’s like his Army Of Darkness sense of comedy took over and tried to make it funny. Be ready to turn the movie off maybe a third of the way in because the movie won’t stop singing and dancing. Seriously, you’re probably going to check the movie sleeve to make sure you’re not watching some weird version of High School Musical. Oh, and Venom is in it … for about five minutes, and he only has maybe two good scenes. You know the movie is terrible when the only character you feel anything for is a villain (Sandman).
Are there any bad movie sequels you think should have just never happened?