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Pope Purgatory: ‘Following The Pope On Twitter Will Reduce Your Time In Hell’

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The Vatican, in trying desperately to hold on to its ever shrinking flock, has turned to the Internet, with something called “Pope Purgatory Credits.”

According to the Los Angeles Times, if you follow Pope Francis online – but ONLY on Twitter – you’ll get a reduction in the time you need to serve in purgatory (Hell) and thus get to heaven sooner.

The idea came from the Pope himself at a meeting of a tribunal of the Roman Curia last June. He came up with an original concept for dealing with, what are known in Catholic circles, “indulgences.”

These are the religious equivalents of “tax credits” and can be accumulated to shorten your time in purgatory. The problem was that they had to be awarded at an event by His Holiness in person.

Pope Francis realized that it was unfair to deny people the opportunity to spend more time in heaven simply because they couldn’t travel.

A decree was issued stating:

“The faithful who are legitimately impeded [from attending events in person] can obtain the plenary indulgence if… they follow the same rites and pious exercises… by the new means of social communication.”

Although the Church is growing in Asia and Africa, its influence is diminishing in the rest of the developed world. Not all of the Vatican hierarchy are convinced that this is the path to follow.

“You can’t obtain indulgences like getting a coffee from a vending machine,” Archbishop Claudio Maria Celli, head of the pontifical council for social communication, told the Italian daily Corriere della Sera.

He added:

“It won’t be sufficient to attend the Mass in Rio online, follow the Pope on your iPad or visit Pope2You.net. These are only tools that are available to believers’”

And he went on:

“What really matters is that the Pope’s tweets from Brazil, or the photos of World Youth Day that will be posted on Pinterest, should bear authentic spiritual fruit in the hearts of each one of us.”

The same newspaper spoke with Father PaoloPadrini – known as the ïPriest”.

He explained the situation as follows:

“Imagine your computer is a well-laden table where you can find tweets from Pope Francis, videos on YouTube, clips on Corriere.it and Facebook postings from your friend in Brazil…..That is the dinner that will nourish your spirit. Sharing, acting in unison, despite the obstacle of distance.”

But it will still be real participation and that is why you will obtain the indulgence, above all, because your click will have come from the heart. The Pope, and the church leadership can only pray, literally, that the “Pope Purgatory Credits” scheme will work.

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34 Responses to “Pope Purgatory: ‘Following The Pope On Twitter Will Reduce Your Time In Hell’”

  1. Anonymous

    "According to the Los Angeles Times, if you follow Pope Francis online – but ONLY on Twitter – you’ll get a reduction in the time you need to serve in purgatory (Hell), and thus get to heaven sooner."

    Whoever wrote this is a complete idiot… Not because he/she doesn't know purgatory and hell are NOT the same, but because they never bothered to look it up…

  2. Diane Gipson

    there is no such place as purgatory.when you pass from this world you have chosen HEAVEN OR HELL. HEAVEN BEING THE NARROW ROAD AND HELL BEING THE WIDE ROAD. Ichoose the narrow road.

  3. Brandi Wade Stevens

    The only way to heaven is through Jesus Christ and a belief in Him and the fact that He died for all of our sins on the cross, and He arose the third day from the grave. Also that you ask for forgiveness for all your sin and accept Him as your personal Savior and try to follow the word of God as much as possible. Doesn't mean we all have to be perfect but we should have a conscience that tries to direct us in the right path throughout all our endeavors in life. We should feel led by the Spirit.

  4. Sun Cycle

    Perhaps you need to see the R. Catholic Church from a different perspective. Simply remove most of the human factor, and simply delve more deeply into Christs' Teachings. All His blessings to you.

  5. Dion Irwin

    The term purgatory comes from a book that was not canonized as part of the "Holy Bible". Under examination it is more of a state of mind than an actual place…wherein God challenges the mind of an individual in order for said individual to repent fully of bad deeds.

  6. Debbie Ackley

    Wow, I went to Catholic school and there were many things I disagreed with back then. This is something else, people are really losing it. Needless to say I see why I reached out for a different religion.

  7. Cynthia Duprey

    I thought I heard it all then I read this… if only the people durring the days of noah had twitter then maybe god would have given them umbrellas for the flood I'm sorry but I choose to try to follow jesus christ as much as a can I'm not putting my faith into something so silly as that.

  8. Ray Adam

    That's classic,but doesnt god forgive all there for we all go striaght to heaven…….I hate religion.

  9. Scamuel Jones

    My all time favorite Catholic priest once told me that BOTH purgatory and limbo are BOTH a CROCK, and I totally agree! It's just another way to scam money out of the faithful!

  10. Kent Sanchez

    ahhhhh relativism….. so many people think they are the ultimate authority on theology. do you guys know, understand, have read the doctors of the church?

  11. Alan Bonness

    Sun Cycle But isn't the "human factor" what church is? It certainly can't be perfect on this side of eternity but it also shouldn't be something that causes those with a heart for Christ to run away from the church. If the "human factor" is that bad, perhaps it's time for the leadership to do away with those things that are (and have been) getting in the way of the truth of Christ.

  12. Alan Bonness

    I don't agree with the Catholic Church's view about purgatory (though I do believe it exists). The Bible says that Jesus preached to the dead: 1 Peter 4: "6 For this reason the gospel was preached also to those who are dead, that they might be judged according to men in the flesh, but live according to God in the spirit." That was/is Purgatory. NOT a place to eventually become acceptable to God-that you can "buy" your way out with indulgences before hand! Nothing about that that lines up with anything else in the Bible or that makes any sense as far as our Christian faith. C.S. Lewis does a great job explaining a more realistic purgatory in his book "The Great Divorce".

  13. Somoje Noje

    The pope obviously has a sense of humor. You guys can take you're foil hats off now.

  14. Somoje Noje

    The Pope clearly has a sense of humor. You guys can remove your foil hats now…

  15. Brandi Wade Stevens

    People sometimes work most to try to defeat a truth that they are scared of when all is said and done. One day "EVERY" knee shall bow and confess that Jesus is Lord.

  16. Dusten Carlson

    That's actually very interesting Alan, I haven't come across that before (or I glossed over). That also seems to answer the question "what about people who lived before Jesus" or those who don't hear about him in life. Maybe it's theologically sound that God does confront every individual, even after death. Very interesting!

  17. Cyndi Kelley Court

    Melissa Hickman , if you believe there is no hell (or heaven) …… you better be right!

  18. Mary Hart Vargo

    Dion….Sorry but Purgatory is NOT hell. This story has taken many things out of context. Please don't believe everything a prejudiced article purports as true.

  19. Dion Irwin

    Dear Mary, Please read what I actually wrote and tell me wherein I said anything, anything, about Purgatory. I addressed the Pope as a figure who usurps Jesus Christ. Purgatory has been used as a place; however, Purgatory has been examined to be more of a state of the mind…wherein God, not Man, convicts the sinner to repent. In Christian doctrine, it is the Holy Spirit who purges man. This factor is one of the main reasons for the Pope being denied by the Church Reformers such as John Calvin and Martin Luther. I mean you no harm. All doctrines usurp Jesus to one extent or another. That is why I am anti-denominational.

  20. Anonymous

    Alan ..christ was not talking about those that were physically dead. He is talking about those that are dead in there sins NOW here on earth. People who are spiritually dead to Christ. Someone that is not following jesus RIGHT now. READ that scripture very slowly. You cannot preach the GOSPEL to someone who is dead and burried in the ground. Hope this helps someone.