Oh, why, Corey Feldman, why why why?
UPDATE: Watch this on “mute.” 20 minutes after publication, and this song is still stuck in my head.
The often-troubled 41-year-old former child star has released a new music video for a single called “Ascension Millenium,” and we’re really really not sure what to make of it. Yeah, we’re supposed to report the news, and yeah, in some cases even guide you to a possible opinion, but we’re really at a loss here.
It’s kind of funny, really. I don’t know if “Ascension Millenium” is supposed to be deliberately hammy, but some scenes make me think so. To wit, Feldman’s The Goonies co-star Sean Astin makes a cameo around the 1:30 mark.
Astin successfully transitioned from a child-star career into an adult one, and he’s not really the fame-whoring has-been type that Feldman has been criticized as by some in the past. His presence seems to suggest we don’t have to take this too seriously.
So, there is that.
But there’s also some other things we can’t parse. Feldman’s growly vocals, his weird Michael Jackson-esque wardrobe, and his heavy metal scowl for what sounds like a forgettable Euro-pop club number.
The guy-liner, the auto-tuning, a green-screen sequence that can’t be missed… it’s all just so much to take in.
So we’ll turn it over to famed DJ Samantha Ronson to tell us what to think of Corey Feldman’s new single:
Wanna see the most amazing disastrous combination of music, narcissism, flagrant product peddling & awkward dancing? http://t.co/YbKLl3SV9H
— samantha ronson (@samantharonson) July 11, 2013
Part of me really wants to hand Feldman some props for having the stones to put this out there into existence, but I think the dude has probably dealt with so much criticism in his 41 years that he literally has lost all self-awareness. You can probably go ahead and make fun of “Ascension Millenium.” I don’t think Corey Feldman will feel it.