Confusing Vegetable Matter For A Foetus? More Common Than You Think

A suspected case of an abandoned foetus in a Pittsburgh High School has turned out to be a case of mistaken identity.

Police were called to the Southmoreland High School school after a “female custodian” discovered the “suspected 7 week old foetus” under a starewell. Blood had been found in the female restroom earlier that day, leading to the conclusion that….well, naturally, there’s a foetus under the stairs.

According to local reports, the foetus was sent for forensic testing in an attempt to identify who might have abandoned it there, but coroner’s office tests failed, because the foetus turned out to be vegetable matter.

A school official said that they were “not sure of the exact origin of the material because that would require too many unnecessary tests,” but “the important thing is that it is not human fetal tissue.”