Are you listening papal conclave? You really ought to consider Fox News pundit Bill O’Reilly for the next pope.
On a recent episode of The Daily Show, host Jon Stewart humorously suggested rival pundit Bill O’Reilly to fill the holy vestments of pope now that Benedict XVI is officially retired.
Stewart brought on a litany of correspondents to weigh the pros and cons of the negative ad campaigns being waged between potential new popes, and the strange wording of some of the Vatican’s rituals for picking a new church leader.
The host also briefly addressed Rand Paul’s filibuster, which he described as “thoroughly entertaining.” On a previous episode, Stewart seemed to voice support for Paul regarding the drone controversy.
Back to the search for a new pope. After hearing that any male Catholic could technically be selected to be pope, Stewart suggested Bill O’Reilly, his long-time political sparring partner. Stewart humorously suggested that O’Reilly was unlikely to accept the “demotion,” and mocked a reporter who observed that one of the candidates acted like a “boy scout” by helping one of the other cardinals.
“Boy scouts helping priests? What could be more wholesome than that?” deadpanned Stewart.
For analysis of the negative ad campaigns between the papal candidates, Stewart turned to Aasif Mandvi, who discussed the highly devastating attacks these Popes-in-waiting are leveling at each other, including one notable attack on a cardinal’s Oscar pool. Samantha Bee then joined when the conversation shifted to the process of who gets to vote, and where.
Bee explained the proper terminology used in the levels of gathering. A collective of cardinals is known as a “grope,” and that body gathers for a voting process known as “molestation.” Bee added that no one gets to leave the conclave until they reach “fellatio,” which is the oral consensus on who the new pope should be.
Watch below, via Comedy Central: