2012 Movie Review: CGI Porn For The Masses

Roland Emmerich returns to the big screen with a sequel of sorts to his hit blockbusters Independence Day and The Day After Tomorrow. Some reviews will mention Godzilla, but given how few people saw that movie, it shouldn’t be considered because 2012 is the really the end of the trilogy that started with Independence Day.

My expectations going into the movie were mixed: on one hand, reviews said it is what it is, and it does it well, while others said it’s somewhere close to Transformers 2, but without the soft porn provided by Megan Fox.

I’m happy to report that it was the former. Unlike Transformers 2, 2012 shamelessly suffers its lack of serious plot and acting by overwhelming the senses with CGI porn; Transformers 2 looks like something my son plays in his bedroom by comparison.

John Cussack takes the role as the lead in the trilogy in the footsteps of Bill Pullman and Dennis Quaid before him, but brings a decidedly Gen X take to the role. Here’s a character in his mid to late 30s, divorced with a hot ex wife and some kids who struggles to keep up with his now ex-family.

Fortunately…or unfortunately I just described most of the 30 minutes of the movie, well throw in Woody Harelson as a grade A nutter and some global conspiracy theories for good measure. No, Ron Paul didn’t direct, but he would have been proud.

All you need to know about the first 30 minutes is the world is going to end, then the CGI porn flows from about that point, and by god it is the CGI equivalent on Heidi Klum taking it in a twosome…but even hotter.

If you’ve seen the trailer, you’ll get some of the rough idea. As a visual treat 2012 is the world ender when it comes to a disaster movie, because no other movie will ever be able to beat the CGI and story concept again: how after all can you beat the end of the world?

If I had to criticize, it’s that Emmerich softly decided only to destroy American and Christian icons, as opposed to being truly global (and unbias) in his vision of the end of the world; apparently he was worried about a jihad or something, which says soft to me.

If you love your CGI, you’ll love 2012. If you want to see a movie with a serious story line, stay well away.

3 1/2 stars.