Oprah Winfrey Reveals Secret Battle With Depression And How She Overcame It

Oprah Winfrey has been open about nearly every aspect of her life, but the media mogul is now speaking out about a secret battle she dealt with 20 years ago. In an interview with Vogue, Winfrey revealed that she battled depression after she spearheaded the film adaption of Toni Morrison’s Pulitzer Prize-winning novel Beloved flopped at the box office in 1998. Winfrey put her heart and soul into the film after buying the rights to Morrison’s book about an African-American slave who fled Kentucky for free state Ohio in 1856.

Winfrey, who was enjoying massive success as a daytime talk show host at the time, was sure her fans would follow her to the Beloved box office, especially since she had a starring role in the film. Unfortunately, the movie was a major flop, which she found out the hard way on Oct. 17, 1998, the day after Beloved opened.

“I got a call from someone at the studio, and they said, ‘It’s over. You got beat by ‘Chucky,'” Oprah told Vogue. “And I said, ‘Who’s “Chucky?’ What do you mean it’s over? It’s just Saturday morning! I knew nothing about box-office projections or weekend openings.”

Oprah added that she turned right to her chef, Art Smith.

“It was ten o’clock in the morning, and I said to Art, ‘I would like macaroni and cheese for breakfast.’ And so began my long plunge into food and depression and suppressing all my feelings.”

Winfrey revealed that she started to realize she was falling into a depression because she had a feeling of “more than ‘I feel bad about this.”

“I felt like I was behind a veil,” Oprah revealed.

“I felt like what many people had described over the years on my show, and I could never imagine it. What’s depression? Why don’t you just pick yourself up?”

Oprah did eventually pick herself up. Winfrey, who admitted that she bought blocks of tickets at movie theaters to try to get the box office up, began focusing on being grateful for what she did have instead of wallowing in what she didn’t.

“That’s when the gratitude practice became really strong for me, because it’s hard to remain sad if you’re focused on what you have instead of what you don’t,” Winfrey told Vogue.

Oprah also admitted that the experience taught her to never put all of her hopes and expectations into “the basket of box office.” Instead, Winfrey says she now does the work as an “offering” and then whatever is meant to be, happens.

Oprah’s reluctance to act in another film lasted 15 years. After the Beloved failure, Winfrey didn’t act in another film until 2013’s Lee Daniels’ The Butler. A year after The Butler, Oprah produced and appeared in Ava DuVernay’s Selma, and recently starred in HBO’s The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks. Next up: A mesmerizing stint as Mrs. Which in Disney’s film adaption of Madeleine L’Engle young-adult fantasy novel, A Wrinkle in Time.

Oprah Winfrey has long touted gratitude as an important tool in keeping herself grounded. Winfrey keeps a gratitude journal which she faithfully writes in every day.

“I practice being grateful,” Winfrey said, according to CNBC. “And a lot of people say, ‘Oh Oprah, that’s easy for you ’cause you got everything!’ I got everything because I practiced being grateful. Sometimes, I’m just waiting on somebody to hold the door and see if that makes the list. Some days you only have, ‘I’m still breathing.’ Because life gets in the way.”

Watch Oprah Winfrey talking about one of the lowest points her life in the video below.

[Featured Image by Alberto E. Rodriguez/Getty Images for Disney]