The Offensive Crayons colors will have you trying to hide your laughter mostly because of how politically incorrect they are in today’s age. The Offensive Crayons Kickstarter is marketing itself as the “Cards Against Humanity version of Crayola” and, no, these crayon color sets are definitely not appropriate for children.
“Say goodbye to your politically correct old color box and welcome this family of blunt, direct and irreverent shades,” exclaims the main page on Kickstarter.
Offensive Crayons is being pitched to those who are tired of boring crayon colors like blue, red, white, and just slightly more interesting shades like burnt sienna. They’ve gotten rid of the “safe colors,” and instead, each crayon in the pack features an offensive name such as Miscarriage Maroon, Travel Ban Brown, Boner Pill Blue, Privilege, Two In The Pink, and more. They’re even taking the offensiveness to the next level by only offering the Privilege crayon to those who have white privilege, meaning that only “Caucasian backers” can buy those exclusive white crayons.
“This is the Cards Against Humanity version of Crayola,” the team explained. “We’re creating products that are exciting, engaging, and downright offensive. Offensive comedy itself is nothing new, and nowadays it seems like too many people are hesitant to push that envelope. All we’re doing is combining the joy of coloring with the anxiety and appalling reality that is life.”
They actually delight in any negative feedback or criticism. For example, on their Kickstarter page, they advertise a Facebook comment which reads, “Crayons for racists and low-lifes. So unsurprising in ‘Trump’s twisted reality.’ Sickening.”
The Kickstarter pledge levels start with only $1 for the “Thoughts And Prayers Level,” but this includes “literally nothing” as your reward. They justify this since “Kickstarter will take a chunk of this, then PayPal will take even more, so really, this is worse than your thoughts and prayers as you’re contributing to the Kickstarter/PayPal corporate bourgeoisie while children in your hometown are probably hungry.” On a more serious note, $7 will land you an Offensive Crayons pack and $10 results in an original coloring book available only in digital download format.
The Offensive Crayons team says it is already done with the packaging and production. As of this publishing, they already met their goal of $3,500, and they still have 24 days left to go.
“Because of you, and similar horrible people who quite honestly disgust us, Offensive Crayons is 100% funded after just five days!” the team said in a May 29th update on the Kickstarter page. “Thank you so much for making this an actual thing!”
— Allan Spadini (@allanspadini) May 29, 2017
This announcement should mean that they will meet their stretch goals, and they will “include expansion packs themed for whatever depressing season is happening to help you with your persistent existential dread.” Currently, they are planning such crazy crayon colors like “drunken racist uncle purple” for Thanksgiving and “Ho ho home invasion red” for Christmas.
It sounds like the Offensive Crayons team may not have settled on a final list of all the colors since they say, “Yes, we’ll take suggestions for crayon names as well! For everyone’s sake, if you have an idea, please message us!” The FAQ page similarly does not say what Offensive Crayons colors to expect, although the packaging claims there will be 24 pieces in the box.
Offensive Crayons is asking that fans submit as many “morally decrepit” ideas as possible before the end of the Kickstarter campaign. What horrible ideas do you think would be best for an Offensive Crayons box set?
— Offensive Crayons (@OffensiveCray) May 28, 2017
[Featured Image by Offensive Crayons/Kickstarter]