Some people claim they have found the solution to not being able to find the right partner — they practice “sologamy” and are marrying themselves. While there’s no law that says that someone has to be married to be happy, some people say that society seems to be kinder to people who are married. According to Raw Story, in order to field off the “when are you getting married?” question, some people have decided to say “I do” to themselves.
Imagine this: A beautiful venue of a vineyard with rows of white-cloth covered chairs, candles, and bouquets of roses adorning every row. The guests turn expectantly to the first stringed notes of a violin and watch as several bridesmaids walk down the aisle in their lovely splendor, smiling broadly for the good fortune of their friend. She’s finally found the right one! The guests stand as the bride appears and she’s radiant, walking down the aisle on the arm of a father. An officiant is at the end of the aisle and her father kisses her goodbye, signifying the beginning of her own life with herself.
There’s no groom. There’s no other bride, either. Instead, she takes vows to promise to be true to herself. There are vows that have been written by others for the occasion, but many Sologamists write their own, always promising to be faithful and kind and to care for their body, spirit, and mind, placing it above all others, for as long as they shall live.
People may be shaking their head in confusion or disbelief, but Sologamy is real, and it is increasing as society moves toward celebrating individuality. Jonathan Bennett, a counselor, says the actual idea behind sologamy isn’t new, and it’s not legally recognized, but that the millennial generation is the propelling force behind the idea to commit to your own happiness.
“The appeal of sologamy is in creating a formal process to remain single and celebrate it. Creating a formal procedure to avoid marriage isn’t a new phenomenon. Vows of celibacy have been common in religious contexts for thousands of years. In a way, sologamy is a modern, secular version of it. Except instead of a symbolic marriage to an institution or deity, the person is making a commitment to himself or herself.”
Erika Anderson, 37 years old, married herself last year. Her story and video went viral at the time, and Anderson is happy with her self-commitment.
“I would describe it as women saying yes to themselves. It means that we are enough, even if we are not partnered with someone else.”
While most sologamists thus far have been women, some men are now joining the fray. However, it’s important to understand that there are no tax-breaks for the self-married. The marriage is one of symbolism and an ideology that some may hold, not a legal institution. Bennett says that while there will probably be some more interest in sologamy, he does not predict that it will become a normative social trend of the future.
“Formalizing the single life through marriage to oneself is rare. I don’t see it catching on. Humans, hardwired by evolution, possess a basic need for companionship and completely writing off romantic relationships won’t be appealing to most men and women.”
This brings up the question that if one can marry himself/herself, what would happen if they found someone else they want to marry? Of course, legally, there would be no concern, as their self-marriage was not recognized. If people came to a self-marriage ceremony for an individual, do you think they would be inclined to come to another marriage ceremony if the individual decides to marry another person? Is there a concept of “self-divorce”?
Please share your thoughts in the comments section.
[Featured Image by Carlo Allegri/Getty Images]