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The Greenport Rescue Squad Probably Feel Like Dummies After Saving ‘Frozen’ Woman

By Jonathan Brown
Published on: 06:50 PST, Dec 17, 2016

A group of cops in upstate New York are probably feeling like complete and total dummies today, despite the fact that they set out with heroic intentions.

The Times Union of Albany reported that on Friday morning at around 8:30 a.m., a “very upset” citizen called into the Greenport Rescue Squad near Hudson to report that an elderly woman had “frozen to death” inside of a Suburu near City Hall Place.

As first responders from Greenport approached the location, they took notice of what seemed to be, just as specified, a possibly dead old woman sitting in the passenger’s seat of the vehicle, while wearing an oxygen mask for breathing assistance. On top of the victim’s unresponsive nature, the car itself was covered in quite a bit of snow, implying that she had been there since the night previous.

Hoping for the best, a Greenport Rescue Squad sergeant decided to bust out one of the car’s back windows in order to gain access. After doing so, the law official climbed inside the vehicle and immediately realized that the “elderly woman” whom he was trying to get to was not a woman at all — she was, in fact, a life-like, life-sized mannequin with convincing “age spots,” wrinkles, and clothing befitting that of a lady in a certain age group.

She even had been buckled in for safety, despite the fact that she clearly didn’t need it.

After a quick license plate backtrack, the owner of the Suburu — a sales manager for a company that specializes in medical training aids — was called and notified of the accidental damaging to his car. According to L. Edward Moore, the chief of police for the New York subset; as you might’ve guessed, the driver wasn’t exactly pleased at the aftermath of the cops’ “rescue efforts.”

“It is my understanding that the owner was incredulous that we took action in this matter,” Moore relayed. “He apparently was quite vocal and vulgar to my sergeant.”

Nonetheless, Moore still stood by the Greenport Rescue Squad, going on to say that the far too realistic set-up they came across more than justified the means.

“Just to clear the record,” he added, “all citizens of Hudson should be put on notice that if you park your locked vehicle on the street on a sub-zero night with a life size realistic mannequin seated in it, we will break your window.”

Back in October 2015, another driver’s non-human car passenger also brought the law to his (car) door.

However, whereas the Greenport Rescue Squad were following their duties after a call, a trooper from the Washington State Patrol was already on-call, approaching a motorist on a Tacoma highway who tried to ride in a carpool lane.

After trooper Guy Gill approached the unnamed individual, as the New York Daily News explained, he noticed that the man had been riding with “The Most Interesting Man In The World,” a figure most recognize as “the Dos Equis guy.” Unfortunately, an autograph from the beer commercial personality would be hard to come by — because Mr. Dos Equis, in this situation, was actually a promotional cardboard cutout of the star with a green sweater on.

When asked about the two-dimensional object, the guilty driver would only say, “He’s my best friend.”

After fining the trickster driver $124 for his crime, Gill couldn’t help but to take a picture of the moment, which other officers from Washington State Patrol shared on their official Twitter profile.

“I don’t always violate the HOV lane law,” the post read, “but when I do, I get a $124 ticket.”

Luckily for the car owner in Greenport, Chief Moore says that unlike the Washington incident, no charges will be filed.

[Featured Image by JANIFEST/iStock]

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